#i’m fine but i feel like shit these things coexist

[scp230kinnie]

:3 hey.

Uhm, hope I'm not overwhelming you but,

How would hyunsu and monster hyunsu react to a reader who's really unbothered by his monster side? Like lowkey they're a monster fucker type person? I especially wanna know how monster Hyun-su would react!!!

Feel free to ignore if it's too much!!!

I FEEL LIKE THIS IS THE SAME PERSON REQUESTING THESE AND ILY

Yasss okay I’m craving sweet home things (hyperfixation core)

SPOILERS FOR SWEET HOME SEASON 2 AND 3

GOD HES SO FINE

Cha Hyun-Su x monsterfucker reader headcanons

Cringe ass name but it’s funny as hell😭

Not smut just saying😒 𝓯𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓴s

Once again not proofread, many hours of not sleeping and an insane sweet home hyperfixation

Probably ooc but I don’t care

We’re gonna say reader is human in this

The monster side of him would be hella confused

After a while he would lowkey be kind of into it maybe?

In season 2, right after the whole monsters and humans can’t coexist thing he would try to distance himself a little bit, but ultimately it wouldn’t work cause we r determined as hell

It would take some getting used to, but eventually he’d realize that you’re not just using him

LETS SAY YOURE TAKING THE PLACE OF EUN-YU OKAY (I’m getting excited I need to tone it down)

Okay so the monster version of him realizes that you are one of his desires, and since human him wants to protect you, so does monster him

Ofc at first he would think that the human version of himself is weak and pathetic for liking/caring about you

Eventually, like in s3, he realizes that since one side of him likes you, he couldn’t hurt you

I feel like monster hyun-su would be almost… possessive? At least once he gets used to everything?

Human hyun-su would be a lot more careful.

He’d feel a little surprised that you are unbothered by his monster side and still like him

I don’t wanna say he’d distance himself, cause he definitely still wants to be close to you, but he would keep you at a safe distance.

One where you can still be close to him, but so that he can’t accidentally hurt you

He would however be really grateful that you still like him despite the monster side.

This poor man just needs a break bro

You would need to convince him that you’re 100% sure you’re unbothered by his monster side

Needs an insane amount of reassurance

If he accidentally hurt you in his monster form he would actually never forgive himself

I feel like if you met within season 1, he’d trust you a lot more, for a few reasons idk

But if you met in s2/s3, it would take a little bit more convincing, even if you do somehow bond that quickly

Nevermind I forgot season 2 is literally like the span of a year I’m sure it’s fine

Ultimately both his monster side and human side are grateful you still like/love him and care for him

——————————————

Sorry if this is shit

That man is absolutely majestic dear lawrd

More sweet home requests pls I’ll smooch everyone

[ongreenergrasses]

playing the ask game you reblogged and then tagging you in another ask game..... only to also send you a question from our dm's, bc Im still curious... (but also feel free to skip answering this publicly ofc!)

1. why would you and Finnick make each other worse? 👀

2. what are your and Annie's fundamental differences? 👀👀

3. why would me and Haymitch have friction? (*I* know my answer, he'd find me super oblivious and annoying and I'd get fed up with him and am way too sensitive for his snark, but I am so curious to hear your take 👀 lol)

FAIR in the chaos of the Extended In Laws ™ yesterday and then the worst night in recent memory it disappeared but you know what. I think the masses should know these things

1. there is a small possibility that we would actually get along well and be friends. however, in my eyes there is a much larger possibility that we would actually enable the shit out of each other because we both have problems that manifest in remarkably similar ways, namely the Everything Is Fine Until I Am A Visible and Completely Catastrophic Trainwreck And Even Then It’s Pretty Much Fine syndrome. i think we both also have this thing that can actually be really destructive where if something needs to be done, we don’t trust anyone besides ourselves to do it well. this can range from like. cleaning the house to in his case trying to topple a dictator. and in my experience, when you have people with those similarities, often we feed off each other and use each other as justifications for continuing behaviors that are actually really damaging to ourselves and others around us.

maybe though. I could help him to be less of a loser boyfriend because I am not a loser boyfriend. i do not have the specific behaviors that make him a loser boyfriend

2. i think there’s a lot of fundamental differences between me and Annie honestly. this is news to some because due to writing her pov a lot, people think I’m most like her, which is not true. I think she’s kinder than I am. I think she’s also far more manipulative than I am. we also have polar opposite strategies to deal with some of the similar symptoms we have, which is neither here nor there but it is interesting. the fundamental difference that would make it so that I don’t think we’d be able to coexist well is that I personally would not be able to stand the way Finnick treats her and from experience, when you can’t stand the way someone’s partner is treating them, it puts a lot of strain on that relationship. obviously I would never say this to her but I’d be thinking girl you needed to leave his ass yesterday

3. I think the difference I can see is that you seem like a really positive and optimistic person. I think in some ways Haymitch is optimistic too, because he tends to have a lot of plans that are sort of hail marys, but I can see your two specific types of optimism colliding and not meshing well.

[shadowthestoryteller]

Green Movement rant coming in because I am nearing a breaking point with the hypocrisy of it all

TLDR; I’m sick to the back teeth of the green movement crying “equality and inclusion” only to turn around and cast aside anyone whom they don’t view as valuable for whatever reason their fickle minds decide at the time

Environmental Movement: We seek to build an equitable/accessible future for all!

Also Environmental Movement: Charges 60$ for course texts, leaves blue collar workers (namely coal miners) out of the equation entirely, is full of policies that look good on paper but utterly fall apart when put into practice, blames people who live in country areas for all pollution issues when cities are a hotspot for all sorts of pollution, blames people who eat meat for all that’s wrong in the world despite meat being one of the more accessible foods, is filled to the gills with leaders who follow “good for me not for thee” policies, and I could just go on and on

Look, I’m all for more sustainable practices that are actually effective and not just virtue signaling. I want to have biodiversity and healthy human communities that coexist with nature in a manner that is healthy for both parties while still allowing sustainable and wise use of resources.

But the longer I’m in this damn field (and that’s just academia!), the more disillusioned and jaded I get. So many times I find that when they say “diversity”, all they mean is diversity of APPEARANCE, not thought. If you say you want EVERYONE to have good things, then that has to mean people whom you disagree with.

That sometimes means that while you and Billy Bob Joe over here agree that green spaces are vital to a healthy community, you may disagree on the extent of climate change. Hell, they may outright disagree that it’s even happening. The last thing you want to do is fly off the handle and call them ignorant because their views don’t align 100% with yours.

Spoiler alert, that ain’t how the real world works. It’s fine and dandy for the internet, but not irl. You don’t get progressive points, you just become the person at work whom people avoid because you’re always walking around with a “I’m better than you” mentality. Any valid points you may have had are borderline useless because people will refuse to talk to you on anything because the last time they did, you erupted on them/made them feel like shit

I have coal mining on both sides of my family. I’ve mentioned this before, but I’m saying it again. The triage mentality found within the environmental movement sickens me. I’ve literally read pieces that argue for replacing coal with natural capita such as “sunshine and forests”. Yeah, that’ll go over well with people who already exist below the poverty line and already struggle to make ends meet.

News flash: Coal miners would be MORE than happy to switch to something renewable if it met the economic and energy output of coal. But there’s nothing. Or if there is, I sure ain’t heard of it in my Bachelors OR Masters programs.

If you say you want an accessible/equal future for ALL, you better damn well mean everyone.

[unhinged-transmasc-man]

Femininity is as inherently traumatizing to just as many people as it is freeing to others. Queer people need to stop putting something that makes people suicidal on a fucking moral pedestal. Maybe masculinity was a prison for YOU, but that doesn’t mean you have to project that onto men and masculine people who actually LIKE being men and masculine people. Why do people ignore that forced femininity is traumatizing??? One of the essential parts of the patriarchy is forced feminization (and not as a kink, which is another thing that pisses me off; the only way forced femininity is mentioned is as a kink or as a joke in transfem memes). Why are you ignoring this?? Femininity and masculinity are both as real or as fake as you want them to be, acting like femininity is inherently MORALLY GOOD when it causes trauma and very real harm and abuse ALL THE TIME is incredibly wrong and harmful. I’m not going to let you people make me think that feeling dysphoria is morally superior to being who I actually am, just because you think it’s icky and you won’t grow the hell up.

Go see a therapist (or do some work on yourself) instead of doing lateral harm and punching down at queer people. THINK before you contribute to transphobia by repeating the same rhetoric of society and the family members of trans men, transmascs, and masc queer people. Much of the rhetoric that harms trans men and transmascs is about “preserving femininity,” and YOU ARE HELPING THAT!!!!! “Why would you ever not want to be a woman,” “Femininity is inherently more precious and beautiful than masculinity,” “Don’t cut off your ‘womanly’ reproductive organs, you’re meant to be a woman.” THAT’S THE SHIT YOU’RE SAYING!!!! YOU HAVE IDENTICAL RHETORIC!!!!!! Have some consideration for the masculine members of the community you supposedly are part of.

People who say this shit don’t give a single fuck about trans MEN (or any masculine people) because they cannot get it through their thick fucking skulls that gender essentialism is bad. They actually love gender essentialism, that way they can always play the victim or align themselves as “one of the good ones,” and they can project all their trauma from cis men and masculinity onto people who can’t fight back! Because if we do they gaslight us!! They’re doing the equivalent of cishet parents giving their boy or amab baby a shirt that says “ladies man,” only they think it’s progressive, and violently shuts down anyone who corrects them. Everything about pride and queerness is made bright pink, full of upbeat pop songs and glitter. Some of that is fine, femininity has its place. But queerness is not inherently feminine. Queerness is more than “the girls, gays, and theys” (god I hate that phrase). Being a man is not incompatible with queerness. Being masculine is not incompatible with queerness. They can and DO coexist. Manhood and masculinity are both beautiful.

Holy fucking shit queer people really fucking hate masculinity

Like, I know anyone following me has seen me talk about this shit but fuck

This queer movie review podcast is talking about 70s glam rock fashion (a favorite of mine) and the one host says "an effeminate man is his true self, because masculinity is fake, the only way to be real is to be feminine"

Like, what the fuck? First of all, way to discount generations of queer people, and displays of queer masculinity, great job. Second, tell me you've never spoken to a trans man or a butch or literally anyone who's ever been forced into a feminine social role or feminine presentation without telling me.

I hate how pervasive this attitude is. I hate how it makes it uncomfortable, at best, to exist in queer spaces as someone who is not, can not, and does not want to be sufficiently feminine.

[ouupwetty]

Also everyone knows how i feel about civil rights

And ppl act like I don’t care about diversity

Like, have you been in a space where you’re seen as beneath for being different, by you ethnicity, sexuality, gender

Diversity normalizes being different

And when you isolate someone due to aspects of them, that are just their identity, you dehumanize them

I cared a lot about intersectional feminism, i shouldn’t have to explain myself? Like if you get it, you get it

And you’re aware I know how anti-blackness exists in multiple cultures, and colorism, and you’re aware that I don’t like the idea of marginalizing others for being different

And yeah, I don’t believe in institutionalized racism for Caucasian people, but I also believe they face a lot of criticism due to white supremacy, it doesn’t represent all white people, but bc of it, ppl will use white guilt

Assuming that will also section people, and dehumanize or make you assume the worst about Simeon you don’t even know, they might even be more understanding about civil rights than me, more educated on it, like bc of being close minded based of off harmful biases, we subjugate groups of ppl

You are very much aware, that beauty is subjective, I like keeping an open mind, giving the benefit of doubt, and not being biased

I do that w everything

If someone comes from a broken home, they should have the opportunity to rebuild themselves, (no I’m not only talking about myself)

And like I can’t believe I have to bring this up to “prove who I am” but I can empathize w a homeless person, bc imagine losing everyone in your life, starving, not being able to shower, no shelter, everyday begging for money, and everyone treats you like shit, ofc you’d go into despair and on drugs, you can’t deal w reality, ppl dehumanize you

Like I asked them if they’re okay

I wish ppl can understand me better

I didn’t expect ppl to witness me speak to her, I didn’t expect anyone around me at all, I didn’t know I was being stalked, she had no shoes on, and if everyone treats you like shit everyday, you won’t be kindhearted anymore

I’m irresponsible, codependent, lazy, fucking gross, I’m a lot of shit

But im also not fucking heartless

I’m a poser sure, I’m closeted, I’m annoying and weird, but why would I try to get at someone when I don’t even know I’m being stalked

Let alone, basically go behind my partners back for a girl on tumblr

My sexuality is meant to be shared w only those who can respect it, and my values are genuine, like I was educated on civil rights for a while, and I had to unlearn things that were normalized

I’m not considerate to a random ass stranger, w literally, I don’t get anything out of it? It’s for their sake

Everyone needs a little looking after, like i even got yelled at, bc they thought I was taking forever to kick out the homeless person, I’m not cut throat

There are a lot of moments, that I don’t need to bring up, and bc I bring it up, it takes away the genuineness out of it

I’m stating that I value the Black Lives Matter movement, I value those who are suffering through capitalism, I value those who have been incarcerated, chipotle helped give employment to those who had been incarcerated, my previous manager was, and she also ended up committing suicide (a sob story ik the mean ppl are gonna say something)

I’m trying to prove my values to ppl, that aren’t just based off of the internet, but by personal experiences, I had a friend who was homeless for a while then his parents took him back in

So while everyone is upset, I had to go against my own values bc of arguments w my partner,

Like, the religious part, I don’t care what you believe in, I’m upset when you use your religion to ignore that I’m dealing w mental health struggles and sexual abuse

Or trying to coerce me into believing in something I don’t, coexisting is fine, I’m rude as shit sometimes, and I’m not trying to be, religion has helped ppl maintain their mental clarity, and they don’t fall into risky behaviors

I’m only offended over homophobia, and I’m very closeted due to that, I try to be hyper feminine, to make up for coming off as masculine

So while every person wants to think “I don’t know who I am”

You don’t know who I am

You don’t think I value certain things, I’m aware, I can be self-centered, and pitiful, and intense

You all don’t understand me, and you all underestimate me, you all constantly seek to over power me, when I don’t even have full on human rights

It’s not normal for me to shower and have sex in front of millions, it’s not normal for me to be hacked and to talk to the earth, it’s not normal to accuse me, just to violate me, it’s not normal at all for neighbors to harass me

So if you want to question what kind of person I am, I might not understand indirect slander, but it’s not like I wouldn’t make an effort to see where someone else is coming from. A “good person” is becoming more subjective now. Can you recognize your values against social influences? Can you recognize your mistakes? Are you willing to understand when it’s not about being right, but understanding when you are wrong?

“Who am I?” I know that, do you?

Like I assumed the worst about Lisa, I’m scared I made her suicidal, I’m scared I had an impact on her. She doesn’t deserve to be put in this position, and neither do I.

Like, I can argue w everyone forever, and just like in my relationship, I’ll be threatened if I’m angry, (people coughing outside my house) idk wtf is going on outside

I wouldn’t fucking harm him like that, I am a whore. But I wouldn’t do that shit. I’m literally innocent.

And given that im not heartless, or cut throat. I’m a cheater. Besides that

Why would I plan messaging all my friends, when I never planned to lose my virginity, I was on my period. I never planned on fucking anything. How would I plan on talking to aldrin? That’s his memories, how would I make Huey say happy birthday, or fucking message me asking “was it ever real between us” and adding me again? How would I fucking plan this shit? I would’ve fucking kept all of my social medias

I kept Snapchat for messages w Arnold

And photos

People are insane

You go off of me falsely admitting, or tripping over my words, and I’m dyslexic too

How would I plan something as I’m going through it? People won’t even look at all the evidence

Where is your logic

Also, there’s records of our texts, and there’s records of me and Huey talking, and me and Ricardo

When I move my head, I’m like here is the proof

I’ve showed it in so many ways, and I’ll continue.

Bc this is for the sake of ppl who DO get falsely accused, and this is for my sanity. I get violated every goddamn day. I’ve lost my sense of safety, my trust for others, and I’m homicidal (emotionally). Wouldn’t you resent the world bc they keep talking about you and watching you have sex. This isn’t fucking normal.

And to see the same ppl who violate me mock me, is a slap to the face. This is literal sexual abuse.

[devondespresso]

thank you for your addition to that ace dustin post, i really appreciated your take and your dedication to nuance that the original lacked. like you said, disqualifying the headcanon doesn’t actually address the root cause of why desexualizing dustin in fanworks could be harmful (and not exclusive to ace headcanons) and instead was just ‘i’m right you’re wrong and this is bad’. what bothers me the most about it is how much circulation it’s getting from allos who do not understand it at all, and are just jumping at a chance to exclude aces to be honest. like a post about an actual ace headcanon would never get nearly as many notes as this post is. and that’s upsetting. i’m even more upset that they’re saying ace will is bad when that’s been a headcanon long before he was canonically gay and there is so much canon relatability to me with will that i think lumping that in with this was even more harmful. anyway sorry if you’re getting any hate or anything, just wanted to say you’re totally right! 🤍

sykdjhshhsnh dude this is so sweet i really appreciate it!!

yea it really does suck how posts can get so popular when theres people getting hurt by it. its not even like the all statements are wrong. its 100% a real problem that disabled characters are infantilized and treated like they can't have sex because they're disabled.

its also a real problem that asexuality gets equated to infantilizing or assuming someone can't have sex because they're disabled because of our lack of sexual attraction or the different degrees we feel it. that it carries the implication that asexuals are comparable to infants and can't have sex.

and not only can these ideas coexist, but they're the same side to the argument against infantilization and stigmatizing sex by people who don't fit people's expectations of someone who has sex.

also i appreciate the concern about hate. thankfully i haven't gotten any direct hate from that post and honestly had no idea if it is still talked about. op blocked me (which to be clear im 100% fine with i really didn't want to have a big argument about it anyway) so i don't see the post on my dash and assumed people dropped it after a while. your message was actually the first direct response ive had about outside of the post itself

also also i hadn't seen headcanons about ace will before but i absolutely love it!! theres definitely problems in the fandom with babying him and making him out to be this sweet uwu baby angel too pure for this world and shit but again thats a problem entirely separate from asexuality. i could totally see will being ace, he strikes me as very romantic in season 4 with the painting and his car confession puting so much emphasis on loving mike as a person and what he means to him. they haven't had many chances for physically intimate moments so far so i feel like you could easily headcanon him as any type of asexual and especially if your headcanoning them to see yourself in his character

i hope you have a lovely day anon!! im not super well-versed in the byler fandom but feel free to gush about ace will (or any stranger things characters!) anytime in asks or dms if you feel like it 💕💖💕

[lestatslestits]

I’ve only had like three hours of sleep and I have to be up in approximately an hour and I do NOt feel well, but also I just came up with a good opening line for a fanfiction so like. Do you see my problem here.

[cryptosexologist]

cat hacker reintroduces mspec lesbian discourse into my life my brain obliterates itself in ocd-fueled recursive self-argumentation

[beeceit]

The Broken Leo

Disclaimer: I know I don't typically do angst for the Peepaw Multiverse (which is also why I typically don't involve itbotb Leo in it) but I got to thinking, and itbotb Leo would have... very complicated feelings about meeting so many other hims

(The itbotb canon self-worth issues, alcohol issues, and a brief mention of suicidal thoughts made it into this, so watch out for those) WMAS Leo belongs to @chiangyorange who also inspired this with this comic

Leo tapped his claws against his glass, looking around the room.

The situation was ridiculous and honestly a little frightening. (Seriously, what evil god would allow THIS many Leos to coexist in one room?! Something very very important would be breaking soon and the whole multiverse would explode because some idiot tried to make ramen without the water, or something equally stupid.)  But the scariest part for Leo was that every other version of himself he could see seemed so… 

Happy.

Why wasn’t he? What, because he was missing an arm? Big whoop, he’d already counted five other hims missing something. Coin with his amputated leg (and really, he should be grateful it was only an arm), 2 was missing an arm too, didn’t even really have a stump to speak of. Expendable was not only missing an arm, but his shell was in horrible shape and his eye looked enough like his own Raph’s that he’d bet real money that he was at least partially blind.

And he was feeling this way well before he lost it.

Because of the prison dimension, then? He was there an hour at most. Hourglass and Deal had both been there so much longer and got hurt so much worse. And yet there they were, just laughing and talking like old friends, and they’d only just met. Deal was even drinking soup out of his hands, Leo couldn’t even imagine going through trauma like he had and still managing to be able to be so silly. No, the problem was him.

The problem was always him.

What was wrong with him? His dad was finally there and opening up and listening, his family finally trusted him, he got along with Casey famously. Even his future self was there for him! Everybody was! He just needed to stop being such a self-obsessed dickhead and talk to them! Why was this so hard? Leo sighed and looked around to make sure no one was looking before reaching into his pouch and pulling out a bottle of calamine lotion. Well… it had been calamine lotion. Now it was just a cleaned out bottle he used to hide his emergency vodka in. It didn’t hold much (It couldn’t. He couldn’t afford his brothers getting suspicious, after all.) but it was enough. He poured a generous glug into his diet coke before concealing the bottle again. There was a bar in this place for the older Leos, it would be fine. If anyone got suspicious, he could just claim it was Blue’s and he stole a sip because he was curious. That was normal teenager behavior, right?

What a fucking mess he was.

It was bad enough, knowing how weak he was amongst his family, knowing he was the only one struggling like this, but this? This was so much worse. So many hims, going through so much worse, how was he the only one struggling this hard? How was he the only one who couldn’t handle it? This wasn’t just one universe calling him a failure, it was dozens.

“Should’ve just let Prime finish me off when he had the chance.” He muttered to himself, taking a long sip.

Leo felt a bump against his shoulder.

“Hey, you say something?” Leo jumped, turning to see another Leo sitting next to him. “Shit! Sorry, uh, spaced out. How long have you been there?” The other Leo snorted. “Just a minute, dude, don’t worry about it. You good?” Leo blinked before shrugging and putting on the carefree mask, hoping it wouldn’t fail him like it had done more and more lately. “Nah, I’m fine, don’t worry about it. Just, uh, just overwhelmed. This whole situation is wack as all hell.”

“Yeah, I get that. I still haven’t figured out how to get this name tag thing off. I mean, what does WMAS even mean?! And why is there an orange on it?”

“I’ve been saying it like Christmas in my head.” “Of course you would. Why is yours so long, anyways?”

“Dude, I have no idea. My Blue’s matches, so I guess our dimension is just itty-bot-buh with a… deer-bee thing? I don’t know, man.” WMAS snorted. “You call yours Blue, too?” “Dad picked it. It’s still weird, him actually calling me by my name without it meaning I’m in trouble.” “Yeah, I feel that. …you, uh… you wanna go pet the big scary magic dog with me?” Leo raised an eyebrow and looked over at Havoc, who was currently giving a death glare to a big Leo that had gotten too close to Hourglass for comfort. “I think that’s a fox.” “He’s fluffy, it makes him a dog.” Leo rolled his eyes and chugged the rest of his drink before standing. “Eh, I’ll bite. I didn’t have anything better to do anyways.” Blue looked on from across the room with a frown.

I’m so sorry, kid.

[prcttylittlebirds]

gabriel knows for a fact that venus does not take him seriously at all. he knows that it’s pointless in expressing his feelings for her because she’ll just shoot him down again. “ it’s not about conditions venus. seriously, i already told you before what i want and you act like i’m not serious.” he’s been trying his best to shape up and be more active in the children’s lives, be there for her in ways that he hasn’t been over the past couple of years. nothing has changed with the dynamic except for their ability to coexist and even that has been proven to be harder than he thought it would be. “i would keep them for an extra day regardless, but i’m not in the greatest mood at the moment. then, you come here all fuckin’ cheerful and it’s just— no. get dad to do it. all of the things i’ve been admitting, saying, doing, don’t mean shit to you, right? but some british guy comes along and writes shit in the clouds and you’re all about it. suddenly, you like grand gestures again? great.” he starts throwing trash away. “fine don’t tell me, whatever. enjoy you’re date.” clearly he’s agitated, but he’s trying to tone it down because he doesn’t want to argue with her. “forget the women i was with for a second. i told you i missed you, you blinked at me.”

“and normally i wouldn’t mind. i love any extra time i get with them. i’m just not keeping them an extra day so you can go on a date.” he stands on his decision, his patience with the subject gradually wearing thin. he doesn’t feel like elaborating on it much further. “why? ‘cause… i’m not? besides dad won’t mind watching them. i can take them over there and you can pick them up after your date, i guess.” venus dating someone new isn’t shocking, but he can’t handle the thought of her with anyone else, even though he’s a hypocrite. he wants her and rafael feels like an immediate threat to him getting her back. “it’s not that i don’t want an extra day, you’re going on a date and that’s the only reason you want to give me an extra day with them. right? or were you gonna ask me anyway?” he dials back his accusations for a moment, not wanting things to escalate too much. “who is this guy?” he decides to ask, not caring about whether or not it’s any of his business or not.

[running-on-narrativium]

Incorrect Discworld Quotes Part Two:

Lady Margolotta: “I gave him worth.”

Glenda, pointing at Nutt: “No, messed up a perfectly good Orc is what you did. Look at him, he has anxiety!

***

(When Carrot first joined the Watch)

Nobby, being a bad influence: “It might toughen you up if you were to use more... colorful language.”

Carrot: “Ohh, you're gonna teach me how to talk in colors?”

***

Adora Belle: “Is anyone going to tell me what's going on in here?”

Of the Twilight the Darkness: “S’ kind of complicated, but Mr. Slightly Damp-“

Adora Belle, very familiar with the shenanigans her husband gets into at this point: “Got it. Forget I asked.”

***

Sam: “I don't need to go to bed. I'm not tired, I'll be fine.”

Sybil: “But, Sam, I'll be so lonely without you. Come curl up in my arms so I can feel whole again.”

Sam: “ Dear…are you trying to seduce me into healthy sleeping patterns?”

Sybil:“Is it working?”

***

Ridcully: ““Because of reasons” is always a legitimate reason.”

The Librarian: “Ook.” (Translation: “”Because screw you, that’s why” is also acceptable.”

Ponder: “For science” is a good excuse.”

Rincewind: “Don’t forget “The stars are not in position” as a perfect reason not to do something.”

***

Cheery: “No, I’m not tired of being nice, yes I still wanna go Librarian. These things can coexist, stop asking me.”

Cheery: “I wanna go Librarian but like, in a kind and respectful way.”

***

Drumknott, stuck on an adventure with Moist: “Oh good! I was hoping to add theft, endangerment, and INSANITY to my list of things I did today!”

Moist: “Ha ha, you too?”

***

Sally: “Dumbest scar stories, go!”

Cheery: “I burned my tongue drinking tea.”

Angua: “I dropped a hair dryer on my foot.”

Reg: “I have a piece of graphite in my leg from accidentally stabbing myself with a pencil.”

Fred: I” was taking soup off of the stove and spilled it on my hand.”

Visit: “I have emotional scars.”

***

Shine of the Rainbow, affectionately: “We are an unusual couple you know.”

Nobby: “Oh, I don’t think that was ever in question.”

***

Rincewind: “SHIT, I’M LATE FOR CLASS!”

Rincewind, going back to sleep: “Oh wait, I’m an adult…”

Rincewind, waking up again: “I’M A PROFESSOR!”

***

Sally: Who the fuck added me to a fucking group clacks?

Visit: Language!

Cheery: Yeah watch your fucking language.

Angua: OKAY WHO TAUGHT CHEERY THE FUCK WORD?

Reg: 'The fuck word'.

Carrot : Are you serious? You three use the f word all the time.

Angua: Oh my gods he censored it…

Sally: Say fuck, Carrot.

Reg: Do it, Captain. Say fuck.

Visit: CAPTAIN, DO NOT- THINK OF YOUR SOUL!!

***

Juliet: “You always see the worst in people.”

Glenda: “Yeah, because people are the worst.”

[let-them-read-fics]

Bite

Pairing: Vamp!Lisa x Human!Fem!Reader

AU: Vampire

Word Count: ~ 5,564

Warnings / Misc. -- Mentions of Blood

Disclaimer: This writing is a work of fiction, and no disrespect is meant for those mentioned herein.

A/N: Hey everyone! I'm alive! School has kept me crazy busy and I've had my hands full with other things as well, but I finished writing this one and I wanted to share with you lovely peeps. To everyone who stopped by to check in, and to those of you who’ve been patiently waiting, thank you endlessly. I love having you as my readers 💜

PS ~ I hope this isn't too bad for my first one shot in forever! Also, happy Lisa era. I’m so proud of our girl!

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

Saturday, October 31st

You look like an idiot. 

The nurse uniform you have on is obnoxiously cliché; short and tattered in various places to really sell the "sexy" aspect of it, little is left to the imagination. Fake blood stains dot the flimsy material in random patterns and mat some strands of the tacky blonde wig atop your head, making you look like something out of a B-movie at best. 

A bonafide, absolute idiot. 

When you express that sentiment to your best friend, she just rolls her eyes and holds out one last costume for you to try on. She had a few lined up in case you didn't like her other options, and clearly that's come in handy; you've already worked through the previous picks, so she crosses her fingers as your eyes skim over this one.

"Humor me, will you?" She asks, hoping that you'll give in and at least check this last one out. 

"Fine, but this is your last chance. It had better be good." You raise a pointed finger at her in warning. 

"I have a good feeling about this one," she says, smiling as you take the bag from her and slip into the dressing room one final time. 

Her phone chimes soon after, and she's quick to retrieve it from her pocket.

Willow: Are you guys almost here?? Jackson's been asking about you.

Your best friend bites her lip at that, nervously nibbling on it as she rereads the message to make sure she didn't imagine the last part. She's liked Jackson since middle school, and he'll be swinging by the party that you've all been invited to; that's one of the main reasons she begged you to come with her tonight. 

Y/BFFs/N: Still getting ready. We'll be there ASAP tho!

Willow: Alright, we'll see you soon. Don't take all night, or else👩🤛

Y/BFFs/N: Yah, cut the violence!

The sound of your best friend's soft giggling fills the air just as you manage to fasten the costume's last zipper and pull its hood over your head.

Surprise etches its way into your features as you do a spin, taking in the sight of yourself through the full length mirror of the dressing room. The outfit's red and black color schemes complement each other beautifully, giving you a powerful and sensual appeal that the other costumes didn't even stand a chance of doing. You look alluring in every sense of the word. 

"Holy shit," your best friend says when you emerge, striking a pose. "You look hot!" She squeals, clapping a few times in quick succession. 

There's no way you think this one looks bad. 

"I think Wanda would be proud," you grin, tilting your head up and wrapping the cape around your neck. 

"One hundred percent," Y/BFFs/N nods adamantly, in total agreement. The Scarlet Witch getup really compliments your features. 

"Now," she starts, changing topics as she looks in the reflection of her phone's dark screen to adjust some of her hair that's gone astray. "Let's pay and then go. Willow's looking for us, and my future man's wondering where I am, too." 

"Hell yeah!" You chuckle, patting her on the back. "I'll help you finally land him so you can stop pining."

You watch as she takes a moment to decide between coming up with a decent rebuttal to defend herself or agreeing with you, and you smile when she goes for the latter. 

"I'd accept nothing less," she says, holding her head high like a princess. "You are my wingwoman, after all." 

"And the best one in town," you add, tugging her towards the register. She reaches into her purse and pulls out the money to pay before politely handing it to the cashier. 

The teenage boy takes it with a small smile, though the action looks a little comical as his upper lip gets caught on the cheap, plastic fangs he's sporting. His knock-off version of Dracula is definitely…. something… and you can tell that his managers forced him to wear it for the holiday. 

"Come back and s-shhee us," he says, handing your change back. Your best friend takes it, failing to contain her laughter at his messy speech. He blushes crimson, likely cursing the plastic teeth for making him look a fool. 

"We surely will," you respond, giving him a comforting smile to keep his embarrassment at bay. He nods gratefully, and you're quickly pulled out of the store by your best friend. 

"Happy Halloween!" You shout over your shoulder, accompanied by the chime of the bell over the door. 

"You too," he calls back, letting out a soft sigh. 

---

20 Minutes Later -- The Party

Upon rounding the front of your car and stepping up onto the sidewalk outside of Willow's house, your attention is immediately caught by the numerous decorations that she put up last week. 

"Huh," you mumble, gazing up at the skeleton that towers above you, standing 12 feet tall. "I think it's safe to say that this is her favorite holiday…" 

"What makes you think that?" Your best friend plays, feigning ignorance as she pops up from behind a life-sized, animatronic Jason Voorhees. 

"I don't know," you tut, admiring Willow's hard work a little longer. "Just a feeling." 

Y/BFFs/N giggles in her unique way, making you smile at the sound as the two of you make your way up the path towards the house. You gaze down at your feet, careful to step on the stones of the walkway and avoid the motion-activated hands that scramble out of the weeds to grab unsuspecting guests. 

Having known Willow your entire childhood, you've grown used to her ways. 

*knock knock*

A strong, iconic synth bassline sounds off from inside, filling the otherwise quiet night around you with its catchy beat as you wait to be let in. Its sound is well known, and you almost instantly recognize it as "Sweet Dreams" by the Eurythmics.

A few seconds later, you hear clambering from inside, followed by concerning groans and shouted apologies. 

Y/BFFs/N arches a skeptical brow at you, perfectly mirroring your thoughts.

Directly after, the door swings open in a flash, and you're nearly tackled by a whizz of curly hair. 

"There you guys are!" Willow shrieks, pulling the two of you close as she nuzzles her face against your cheeks. 

"Yep, here we are," you struggle out, nearly being strangled in her tight grip. She responds by squeezing you even tighter, blinded by her joy at seeing you again. 

After all, it's been a while since all three of you have had the opportunity to spend the night partying together like this. 

"Can't… breathe," Y/BFFs/N squeaks, successfully getting Willow to release you. 

"Sorry," she apologizes, stepping back. "I'm just so happy you're here." 

The freckles that spread across the bridge of her nose look especially adorable with the blush she's sporting, and her shy grin makes you forget about the near-fatality you just encountered moments before. 

"We're happy to be here," you reassure her, returning her smile. 

Your best friend agrees from beside you, nodding her head with a happy look of her own. "Believe it or not, we've missed your weirdness." She adds, cocking her head to the side. 

Willow giggles again, and her eyes crinkle up into those half crescents that could surely melt even the iciest of hearts. She's practically sunshine in human form, and you have to resist the urge to shield your eyes. 

"Yo, Willow! Who's at the door?" 

Jackson.

You feel your best friend tense beside you, and you subtly pat her leg to calm her down. 

Willow falls silent, though her lips go through the beginning stages of answering him; they open and purse, but she quickly halts her reply and shuts her mouth. She knows of Y/BFFs/N's crush on him, and she doesn't want to say the wrong thing. 

Plus, if the lovesick girl wants to run and hide in the bushes, Willow's silence could buy her some time to slip away. 

But alas, she doesn't. 

Jackson appears in the doorway a mere 5 seconds after asking his question with a beer clutched in his hand. He moves to lean against the wooden frame as his pearly smile beams at you, and Y/BFFs/N audibly swallows at the sight. 

For someone who's usually so confident, she can really be shy sometimes. 

"Lovely to see you, ladies," he greets, putting his free hand in front of him as he bows. His accent is modeled after that of Jack Sparrow, as is his surprisingly well designed costume.

You nod back at him. "Hey, Jackson. Long time no see." 

You elbow your best friend when she remains silent for a beat too long, and the action snaps her back to reality. 

"Yeah, hey Jackson." Her voice is quiet -- she doesn't trust it to refrain from cracking.

He smiles, not failing to notice the nervous aura that's quickly taken over the girl beside you. Her eyes nearly pop out of her head when he gives her a curious once-over, and you take that as your cue to save her from the impending embarrassment that's lurking just around the corner. 

"Alright, guys!" You clap, stepping forward. "Let's get to partying." 

Her shoulders relax, and you feel her slip her hand into yours as you enter the house, squeezing twice as a silent thank you. 

15 Minutes Later

Willow stands beside you in the kitchen, mixing a few things together in one of the millions of red solo cups that she bought for tonight. You sneak a peek over her shoulder at the concoction, seeing its light blue color turn purple-ish as she adds a new liquor into the equation. 

In comparison to typical house parties, this one is relatively small; most of the rooms are filled with people, but it's a comfortable amount. Maneuvering around the place is fairly easy, which is always a plus when you're coexisting with sweaty, drunk people. 

"Willow, love, why did you buy so many cups?" You ask, toying with the ripped plastic packaging of one of the stacks. 

"You know I like to be prepared," she laughs, brushing off her major miscalculation. "Plus I can just use the rest of them at my next party." 

You nod, knowing she's right. "Are you having another soon?" 

"I think so. Jiu and her crew are coming back in a couple weeks, so I thought I'd surprise them with one." 

You scoff, humor laced in the sound. "What, they didn't get enough partying done at their university already?" 

Willow turns around, grinning at you as she hands you your drink. "Evidently campus police keep a close eye on them. Siyeon whined about that a lot when she called me." 

"Sounds like her," you chuckle into your cup as you take a sip. 

PFFT

"Eww, Willow! What did you put in this?!" 

Your spit take didn't land on anyone, thankfully, but it did capture the attention of some people nearby. You wave a hand at them as a silent apology, and they go back to their previous tasks. 

The curly headed prankster covers her mouth, though the action does a terrible job of quieting her maniacal laughter. 

"You're lucky Y/BFFs/N isn't over here," you say, wiping your lips with the back of your hand. "She'd avenge me." 

Willow uses a napkin to dab the tears of laughter from her eyes. "Why else do you think I waited until she was busy with Jackson?" She asks, motioning to her lounge room across the foyer. 

You look inside, spotting Y/BFFs/N holding a pool cue in her hand as Jackson sinks another shot into one of the corner pockets. 

The sight reminds you of the pep talk and 2 shots of liquid courage you gave her earlier, and how she disappeared with the promise to make a move and actually talk to him. Now, she looks completely absorbed in whatever banter they're sharing, and although your violated taste buds still ache from the sickly-sweet mixture that Willow made, you wouldn't want her to be anywhere else. 

You can get your own revenge. 

Sneaking a glance around the kitchen, you search for something to help with your retaliation. A small package of streamers lays abandoned on the island, forgotten to be put up earlier, and you slyly grin. Their ribbons sparkle with glitter, shimmering as the multicolored party lights stream in from the living room and land on them. 

It's as if the universe is putting a spotlight on them, just for you. 

After side eyeing Willow one final time to ensure that she isn't catching onto your plan, you act quickly. She stands beside the counter, right where you left her, and you dart to the island to grab the streamers. Your fingertips soon gain purchase on the packaging, and you tear it open in one swift motion. 

Her gaze locks onto yours just as you near her, but it's far too late for her to get away. 

"Take this!" You declare, upending the baggie atop her head. She shrieks as they cascade down her body, getting caught in the creases and wrinkles of her costume as they go. A small wave of glitter tumbles out of the bag as well, coating her hair and clothes. 

Boy, that'll be fun to try and get out later. 

Her head slowly raises once you finish your assault and place the baggie on the countertop beside you, but the look in her eye is unlike anything you've ever seen. 

"You're dead," she warns. Just as the smile drops from your face, an even larger, more sinister one begins forming on hers. 

The floor creaks beneath your feet slightly as you take a step back, and you know you have to high tail it out of there if you want to evade her. 

"Catch me if you can!" You shout, springing into action. You turn around and dart out of the room, gliding past numerous partygoers in the hall. 

Willow's choice of footwear works in your favor, you soon realize; the sharp rapping sound of her heels pierces the air behind you, serving as a tell of how much distance is between you.

Her unstable platforms buy you a little time, and you thank the universe as you rush through the living room and back towards the foyer. You plan to cut across it and hide out in one of the bathrooms until she drops her plan for revenge. 

A grin pulls at your cheeks as you skid into one of the walls, looking like a character from Scooby-Doo as you will your feet to work correctly again and get you to safety. Willow laughs behind you, joining in on the fun. 

"Perfect," you mutter under your breath, spotting a clear path through the foyer. It leads under the stairs, and you can see the open door of the bathroom from where you are. 

Your feet take you past a handful of drunk people, bobbing and weaving through them with ease, before you're racing towards the restroom to take cover. 

Before you can make it there, though, you collide with someone rather abruptly as they step straight into your path. 

Your eyes shut tightly as you brace yourself for impact with the ground, but it never comes. The person reaches out and catches you before you can hit the floor, and a soft apology slips past their lips as they scoop you up. 

Upon hearing that uniquely feminine voice speak its regret again, you peek your eyes open. What you see nearly makes the woman's effort to keep you upright moot; she's so gorgeous that your legs almost give out from underneath you. 

Dirty blonde locks cascade over her shoulders in soft waves, half-mussed, half-pristine from your run-in. Her doe eyes are a velvety chocolate color, and you find yourself getting lost in them. Flickers of red show in them, illuminating almost rhythmically the longer she admires you. 

Are those contacts? You ask yourself. They have to be. 

She seems to be just as affected by your presence as you are of hers. 

"Y/N, I'm coming to get you!" 

Willow does her best to sound like a villain from a 90s horror film as she clambers her way closer to you, bumping into a few people on the way. You're brought out of your stupor by her rapidly approaching footsteps, and you take a step away from the woman. Her hands fall from your waist, where they had previously been resting. 

Stealing a quick look at the bathroom, you feel your stomach turn.

Damnit. Someone's in there now. 

Screw this sexy stranger for distracting you. Now you'll have to deal with Willow's wrath. 

"What's wrong?" 

There's that voice again. 

Part of you wants to brush it off and slip away quietly, but an even bigger part of you is determined to stay where you are and tell her. Something about her pulls you in, and you're having a hard time denying it. 

"I need to hide. I glitter-fied my friend and now she's coming after me." 

The woman's plump lips pull back in a humored smile, and she nods as a chuckle leaves her. "Right," she says, like that's a common occurrence. "I can help, if you'd like." 

"How?" You ask, your brows momentarily knitting together in confusion. When she unties and opens the black cloak that's wrapped around her body, your breath catches. 

"You in?" She asks, side eyeing the foyer as Willow nearly careens into the Egyptian vase that her mother bought her last year for Christmas. 

You take a deep breath and hold your hand out to her just as Willow rounds the corner, and she swiftly pulls you in close before you can be spotted. She winds the cloak around both of your bodies, concealing your faces as the fur-lined hood falls atop your heads. 

Unconsciously, you wrap your arms around her waist and pull her flush up against you to further ensure your safety. She quietly grunts when she stumbles over her own feet, falling into you a little. 

"Sorry," she whispers, though her third apology of the night is unnecessary. You almost want to thank her for what happened.

Especially when her warm breath fans across your right cheek, where her head is angled. 

Every breath you take pushes you closer to each other, and the satin shirt she's wearing slides against your heated skin. She swallows thickly as one of your hands falls to the small of her back, testing the waters. 

When she shifts a little to encourage you, you're acutely aware of the thigh that's worked its way between your legs. 

When did that happen? 

You bite back a sigh as she just smirks, quietly shushing you. 

Willow thunders by, shouting your name and threatening to throw you into the pool when she tracks you down. You want to laugh at that, but you'd honestly welcome it right now. Some cold water would surely bring you to your senses after being led astray by this goddess in front of you. 

Her footsteps grow distant as she makes her way outside, still searching.

The two of you remain as you are for a couple more minutes until you're certain that the coast is clear, and then you part. When she lowers the cloak, you look away; a deep blush has worked its way up your neck and across your cheeks, and letting her see it would surely make you die of embarrassment. 

She keeps her eyes on you as she reties the cover around herself, attempting to get a read on you. The bashful aura that's befallen you is cute, no doubt, but she can sense your arousal. She can smell it on you, and the scent is beginning to drive her crazy. 

You fiddle with the sleeves of your costume, readjusting them nervously.

"So, um… thanks," you say, sneaking a glance up at her. 

The red hues in her eyes are even more pronounced now, and the sight makes you press further into the wall behind you -- the one that you were previously pushed up against. 

"No problem," she smiles, showing off her pearly white teeth. Two of them catch your attention; a set of fangs now shine, looking alluring and threatening all at the same time. 

There's only one issue: you're certain that they weren't there when you first bumped into her. When did she put them in? And why do they look so real?

The feeling of her hand landing on your forearm pulls you away from the millions of questions that're firing off in your head right now. 

"May I ask your name?" She politely requests, dipping her head down sweetly. 

"Y/N," you breathe out, quickly realizing that you'd do just about anything she asked you to. 

"Y/N." She repeats, allowing the letters to blend in her mouth as they roll off her tongue. She looks satisfied for some reason as she says it again, trying it out. 

"I'm Lisa." 

"It's nice to officially meet you," you smile, reaching a hand out. Her touch is gentle but firm as she takes it, shaking it with ease. 

"Likewise, beautiful." 

The grin on your face only widens at the name, and you pull your hand away out of fear of what she might do next. She's already putting you under her spell, and you're sure that another touch would have you fully entranced. 

She studies you with pursed lips for a moment, clearly debating on something. Her eyes flicker over the dips and curves of your body as a smirk grows on her lips. 

"What are you thinking?" You question, curious but teasing. 

"That I'd love to have your body on mine again." 

She's bold, and she says it like the fact it is. No shame, no bashfulness. Just true, honest desire. 

You bite the inside of your cheek at her bravery, silently thanking the universe for it. The likelihood of you gaining the courage to make a move is slim to none even in the best cases, and this was no exception. She already has your heart skipping beats and you've only known her a few minutes. 

"How about a dance?" She suggests, quirking a brow. The look on her face disarms your defenses, and you take a deep breath before agreeing to your demise. 

"That sounds wonderful." 

She dips her head again, hiding her face away momentarily, and you think it's the cutest thing ever. 

She's shy all of a sudden as her cool demeanor slips up a bit, and that never happens. You might just be her downfall, too.

She holds an elbow out and steps forward, allowing you to link your arm with hers and cuddle in close. 

Her eyes scan across the living room as she studies it, but she's unimpressed. 

Sweaty, winding bodies thrash around to some upbeat pop song that's been overplayed on every radio station in town for weeks now, and the idea of taking you there puts her off. 

When a drunk boy comes into view with a dildo strapped to his forehead, her mind is officially made up. 

"Let's go outside," she says, leading you through the patio doors. 

A quaint gazebo sits on one side of the yard, and the dance floor that Willow's family installed a couple years ago occupies the other. Both are decorated with string lights in combinations of gold, purple, black, and orange. Other ornaments adorn the surfaces as well, and you smile when you spot a comically large spider sat atop the gazebo's roof. 

"Where would you like to go?" Lisa asks, keeping her voice low. It's calm and deep, running a chill through you. 

Softer music plays out here, offering a totally different vibe than inside. Some couples -- many of them introverted, assumably -- sway on the dancefloor as the DJ that Willow hired takes a sip of her drink on the raised stage. She adjusts a few switches slowly, not rushing for a second.

"Let's try the gazebo," you decide, glancing over your shoulder at Lisa. She's looking away, but you don't think anything of it as the two of you fall in step with one another on your way over. 

Shit, Lisa thinks to herself. 

Her plans to come to this party, feed, and make a quick getaway are totally derailed. She'd hoped to find a victim that she was attracted to but didn't like, if that even makes sense, and feed like the animal she is. Then she would leave them like all the rest, drained but still alive, and slip away. 

But now she's met you, and any desire for those plans have been thrown out the window. 

You interest her, and that doesn't happen often. She hasn't met someone who's been capable of doing that in years, and she's intrigued. Something about you just pulls her in, inexplicably, and she knows her feelings would be glaringly obvious if you saw her face right now. 

"Woah, look at this," you sigh, stepping out of her hold to check the place out. A bench runs the perimeter of the gazebo, only stopping at the doorway, and the lights look even prettier from inside. They shimmer, looking like star showers as their strings hang down in the windowless openings of the building. 

Lisa quickly learns that she loves seeing you like this. Your eyes are alight, and your sweet smile of wonder warms her heart. Her hands slip into her pockets as she eventually manages to take her eyes off you, following your lead as she admires the decorations. 

She does a twirl, looking around. 

"It's gorgeous." 

"I know, right? This is totally up Willow's alley," you say, grinning at the mental image that you can conjure up of her giddily spiffing the scene up. 

"I'll have to thank her for making it look so special, then," Lisa says, smiling. The place really makes you feel like you're in your own little world; everything about it is just right. The ambience, the decor, the company… it’s perfect, and Lisa's content with how the evening is playing out. 

Her fingers skate down your arm as she nears you, trekking their way down to your palm. She takes your hand and spins you, watching with admiration as your hair flows in the breeze. Now facing her, you thread your fingers together around the back of her neck as she encircles your waist with her arms. 

"Why have I never seen you around?" You ask sincerely, looking up at her. 

She hesitates briefly. "My university is a few towns over. I just come here to visit my family every few months." 

Not a total lie, she thinks to herself. 

"And stop by terrible parties like this, of course." You add, smirking. 

She shakes her head at that. "No, I can't say I do. I just decided to check this one out on my way to my friend's house." She explains. 

Underneath your cloak, her hands find their way to the small of your back. One stays put while the other dips a little lower, testing the waters. 

"And besides," she starts again, feeling you pull her closer. "Meeting you here automatically makes this an awesome party. Not terrible."

"Cheeeesy!" You scrunch your face up and groan, making her laugh. 

"Maybe, but it's the truth." 

"Sure, Lisa." 

She shakes her head and you laugh lightly together, still swaying about. You hold her close enough to rest your head on her shoulder, and the pads of your thumbs rub small circles on the sensitive skin of her neck. She hums at the feeling, and you take note of the way she relaxes in your arms. 

The night breeze appears again, performing a flowing dance of its own as it lulls past you in waves. A slight chill resides in it, mixed with a generous amount of the day's sweet, fading heat, and you're at peace. 

The slow song that had been playing across the yard ends delicately, parting with some melodic feature that resembles a warm embrace, and it blends seamlessly into the next song. 

Turning Page, you recognize it as.  

Huh, how ironic. One of your favorites. 

Lisa's lips brush against your cheek as she turns her head slightly, whispering, "I like this one, too." 

How did she know? You ask yourself. You hadn't said it out loud… 

Maybe she's just a good guesser. Yeah, that's gotta be it. 

You feel yourself melt as she begins singing the words to you. It's hushed and sentimental -- meant only for your ears to hear, and that makes it even more special to you. 

"If I had only felt the warmth within your touch"

She croons, pressing her cheek against your warm skin. You blush, catching yourself when you remember what the next line of the song is. 

"If I had only seen how you smile when you blush" 

She brings a hand up to cup your cheek in her palm, and her other arm remains around you, holding you tenderly. 

"Or how you curl your lip when you concentrate enough"

Now, her thumb runs across your bottom lip. You look into her eyes and find them an even deeper shade of red than they had been before, but it doesn't frighten you for some reason. She glances down at your mouth again, fighting her impatience as she waits for permission from you. 

"I would have known what I was living for all along"

You nod and lace your fingers in her locks, and she doesn't waste another second. 

She leans in, humming against your lips when they meet hers for the first time. Her lipgloss spreads across them upon contact, smudging its precise application, but she doesn't seem to care in the slightest. She draws you in closer, and you bring both of your hands around to cup her face as you deepen the kiss. 

Her mouth is welcoming against yours, and it moves languidly as you get adjusted to one another. Every move makes you feel dizzier than the one before it, and swarms of butterflies take flight in your stomach with no signs of stopping. 

She nips at your bottom lip as her hands dip far lower than before, now kneading your ass as your kisses continue to work her up. 

"Fuck," you curse, breaking away from her lips to catch your breath. She's stolen it all from you, and yet she's still not ready to give you a rest; her mouth drops to your jaw, embracing your skin there before moving down to your neck. 

She doesn't realize how dangerous the game she's playing truly is until it's almost too late. 

Her lips press to the area just above your pulsepoint, where she's learned over the years that blood pumps the hardest and tastes the sweetest. She draws it into her mouth, swirling her tongue over the area as her ears perk up at the breathless sound of your moans. They spur her on, and she nips at the skin, surely leaving a hickey. 

Her senses become even more clouded when you say her name, the title caught somewhere between a whine and command, and she feels the strong impulse to claim you. The sensation is overwhelming, and she knows you can feel it too. 

Your hands tug on the collar of her shirt as she lets her fangs fully extend, no longer suppressing them. They rake across your pulsepoint, making you shiver against her. 

"Please…" 

That's all you manage to get out before they pierce your skin, eliciting a whimper from you. Blood fills her mouth instantly, sliding across her taste buds in velvety waves and calming her constant craving. Your hands tighten in her hair, and the delicious twinge of pain that it provides only encourages her more. 

Your blood is different than anything she's ever tasted; it's richer -- sweeter. A throaty groan leaves her as she savors it, and you shut your eyes in pleasure. It's addicting, but she knows she has to stop herself before she hurts you. If she continues like this much longer, she won't have the willpower to let go. 

She retracts her fangs as she licks your taste from them, and then you feel her warm tongue clean the wound she made. It stings a bit, but in all the right ways.

When she pulls back to look at you, she finds your eyes half-lidded and a pleased smile on your face. It nearly kills her, then and there. 

Her gaze flickers back to your neck to admire the hickie she made earlier, but what she sees surprises her. Below it is a darker, more prominent marking that she's only seen other vampires leave behind before. 

Definitely not a hickie.

Your brows furrow as you look at her neck as well, noticing a faint outline of something growing darker by the second. Blinking a few times to ensure that you aren't hallucinating, you find that it's really there. 

"Lisa, what's on your neck?" You ask. 

"A soulmate mark." She responds, feeling a sense of belonging settle over her as she looks at you again. You just confirmed her suspicions by asking that.

"Same as yours," she smiles.

[wheelsup]

the taming of the shrew | two

if i be waspish, best beware my sting

after some setbacks, penelope is willing to do anything to get you back on board. but has spencer already ruined things?

A/N: hello! im so sorry that this posting schedule is super inconsistent. the more i thought about this chapter, the less i liked the more technical aspects of it. but! i hope you enjoy to plot aspect of it nonetheless <3 thanks for reading!

category: fluff, slow burn series, spencer reid x fem!reader

wc: 4.4k

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Since that phone call with Penelope, she’d been over nearly every night for a week with plates of treats and onslaughts of apologies. Each time she came knocking, you told her there was no amount of persuasion that could change your mind. And yet the following night, she’d be there, a new type of pastry in hand and a new set of reasons why Spencer was worth the trouble.

First, she brought blueberry muffins and reasoned that deep below that prickly exterior, he really was everything she promised –– sweet and caring. But that must be deep, deep down. Like, The Lost City of Atlantis, deep down, because you didn’t expect it to surface any time soon. 

Then, she brought fudge brownies and explained that his behavior wasn’t personal –– he was getting snippy with everyone lately. And while you maintained that anybody would have a hard time getting along with Spencer, you were absolutely positive that it was now impossible for you. 

Quite frankly, it wasn’t just Spencer who was unwilling to play nice. You hated him. More than you’ve ever hated a stranger. 

You wished him a lifetime riddled with minor inconveniences that would drive him to the edge of insanity. You wanted him to miss all his trains by just a quarter of a minute; close enough so that he could see it leave the platform, knowing he almost made it on. You wanted him to constantly feel like he was about to sneeze. You wanted his socks to be perpetually wet, and if he should happen to put on a dry pair? You hoped he stepped in a puddle.

That was all you could think about as you laid out on your couch, munching on one of Penelope’s lemon bars while she paced around your apartment. She kept going on and on advertising Spencer to you. As annoying as it was, she was also saving you a ton on groceries that week. 

For the most part, you filtered her out. Not a single word that came out of her mouth was believable anymore, especially not when she was talking about Spencer. Despite what Penelope thought of him, you saw in him what she refused to accept. 

As her speech came to a close, she looked at you like she expected a response to dignify her prattling. 

“Give it a rest, Penelope. He’s a lost cause,” you laughed dryly. “He doesn’t need –– nor does he want –– anyone in his life.” At the very least, he definitely didn’t want you. 

“Yes, that’s the problem!” If you’d been listening to her, you would’ve heard her saying the same thing. “He doesn’t want to date!” 

Your head just about exploded when she said that. 

There had been countless, fruitless conversations about this, and all along she saw the gaping hole in her supposedly airtight plan?

“If he doesn’t want to DATE, then WHAT was the point of this?!” Your fingers pressed the bridge of your nose; you suddenly felt a headache coming on. Funny how it always happened around the time of day that Penelope came to visit.

Penelope stopped pacing. She stalked over to your couch, picked your legs up by your ankle, and moved them to make space for herself. You begrudgingly sat upright as she took her place beside you. 

“Because he’s not himself anymore. He’s not open like he used to be. Not to the people who care about him the most, and certainly not to the world.”  

Penelope toyed with the hem of her dress, distracting herself from her quivering lip before pressing on, “Spencer Reid has always wanted love. And it’s not right that he no longer believes he can have it.” 

You hadn’t seen Penelope look so desperate until now. It was concerning. Because what could make her look so hopeless? What could make Spencer so hopeless? 

“Penelope, I don’t know what’s wrong with your little friend, but… there’s a lot more bubbling inside him than you’re letting on.” 

She chewed up the insides of her cheeks, wincing to herself at your incredibly accurate claim. 

“You are hiding something, aren’t you?” You narrowed your eyes on her. You were no detective, or whatever exactly her team did, but she was just awful at concealing her thoughts.

“It’s not my story to tell,” she murmured. 

She could already feel herself about to give it away and doubled down her mental defenses against it. Focusing extra hard on keeping Spencer’s privacy intact. If only you knew her track record with secrets, you’d be proud of her for staying quiet this long.

“What isn’t your story?” 

“That his girlfriend died last year.” 

She spilled it before she even realized what she was saying. You’d just asked so nonchalantly that she forgot she was talking aloud. Penelope turned purple, terrified now that the whole truth was out there. 

You couldn’t even take satisfaction in the fact that your trick worked. You were just as mortified as Penelope, and if you weren’t already sitting down, you knew you’d need to. You assumed there was something deeper going on with him, you didn’t think it was a dead girlfriend. That was some Nicholas Sparks shit. 

“He pretends like he’s fine but I know he’s not. And if he found a way to move on, maybe he’d start feeling as okay as he claims to be,” she sniffled before snot could run from her nose, tears lining the rims of her eyes. “I know I should’ve given you the full picture, but I didn’t think you’d go for it if you knew…” 

You were too floored to process it all right away. This added a whole new layer of complicated to an already uneasy arrangement.

“Well, I know you’re right about one thing. I would’ve said no.” 

She gave you a set of pleading eyes, praying you’d see where she was coming from. 

“I know,” she whispered defeatedly. “But maybe... now that you know, you can understand why he acts out the way he does.”

“Penelope, I can’t just… make someone move on, or –– or get them to believe in love! Especially when it’s fake.”

How on Earth did she expect you to pull that off? Did that guy from A Walk to Remember move on when Mandy Moore died? You hadn’t seen the ending of the movie, but you assumed not. 

“I’m sorry, this is just… a lot bigger than the favor I thought it was ––”

“What if I could return it?” she cut in. The gears in her head started to turn, figuring ways to patch up the holes she made. 

“There’s nothing I need from you.” 

That couldn’t be true. Penelope looked around the room and it didn’t take her long to think of it.

“I can help you sell your art,” she tempted, gesturing to the scattered canvases. “You make all your income from this, right?” 

You didn’t want to give any fuel to her fire, but you nodded. “What if… what if you didn’t have to settle for local buyers? What if I told you that you could make way more money selling them to the whole world?”

You chortled at her idea. 

You were a local artist, through and through. Your art got put in local galleries and sold to local buyers. Nothing more, and that was fine with you. You realized it a long time ago that it was just a pipe dream to think you’d be more. 

“I’m serious! You could get a separate painting studio, and stop living in one? Huh?” She wrapped her hand around your shoulder, waving the other in the air, urging you to picture it with her. “Imagine this: a kitchen that’s separate from your living room. A bed, inside it’s own four walls, and more than twelve feet from where you cook your meals.”

Pushing aside her so blatantly insulting your apartment, if that were a possibility, you’d want nothing more. But it already sounded foolish and you hadn’t even heard how she planned to pull it off. 

“Penelope, I’m fine where I am. I make the money I need, and that’s... it’s fine.”

She gave you a pointed look. “You know, I can hack all search engine results to make sure you are what comes up first anytime someone enters the word ‘painting’, right?

An airy chuckle left your lips. Of course she could. You patted her thigh twice and stood up, prompting her to follow you to your door –– hopefully, so she can show herself to the other side of it. “Still no, Pen.” 

“Just take some time to think about it!” Her voice carried through the wood as you shut it on her.

*

There was this one bench in Kenilworth Park – the one that overlooks the crystal clear pond – that you’d always been able to rely on to fix any problem.

There was hidden magic in the bushes that sprawled out from the edges of the water, surrounded by spiky green blades of overgrown grass. A simplicity you loved in baby ducklings paddling into the tiny body of water, swimming close together so they don’t get lost in, what seems to them, a whole ocean. And clarity provided by the freshest air in the world, under the shade of the big oak trees on a late summer afternoon.

But at the present, none of that came close to being enough.

The artist’s block started off as a minor inconvenience, but without your permission, had stretched into weeks of steadily declining motivation. Each new idea felt even worse than the last, and you were acutely aware that there would come a point where you’d officially hit maximum capacity for how awful they could get.

Still, that didn’t seem to light a fire under you. You happily coexisted with the blank pages of your sketchbook. Staring down at them, laying open on your lap in their stark-white glory, you felt like you were playing a waiting game. If you stared long and hard enough, maybe they’d flinch. 

Unfortunately, you never got to find out who won, because your phone rang inside your pocket. As if the caller had interrupted an incredible genius at work (which couldn’t be farther from the truth), you hastily raised the phone to your ear, slamming your sketchbook shut.

“Hello?” Your voice wasn’t as kind as it could be for someone with nothing better to be doing. Two seconds later, you learned who was calling and came to regret it.

“Hi, This is Rebecca from District Arts, calling with a message from Andre ––”

“Oh, hi!” you tried to walk back your previous tone, straightening up in your seat and pitching your voice higher, “Yeah, I’ve been waiting to hear from him!” 

While Rebecca intimidated you, Andre happened to be your closest friend at the gallery. He worked closely with the artists to curate their collection and help them make sales. 

“Does he want to sort out what to set the opening bid prices at for my new pieces?” A handful of days ago, you sent him pictures of your new work and were waiting to hear his thoughts. You’d always been able to trust his opinion, and a vote of confidence from him might be just the thing to inspire you.

“Uhm…” There was a criminally long pause on the other side of the line, ended by Rebecca’s weary inhale. “Unfortunately, we’re calling to inform you that your pieces will not be included in the next rotation.”

For a minute, you weren’t sure what to make of what she said. You’d never heard those words before.

“What – what do you mean?” you laughed nervously. She probably misspoke. Perks of friendship aside, Andre always included you in sets. 

“Ugh, let me just get him…” her voice faded away as she put the phone down. 

That wasn’t exactly the reassuring statement you were looking for. In the time it took for the call to switch hands, your confusion finally melted in. And then quickly boiled into anger.

The District Arts gallery changed their entire collection every two months. The pieces shown accepted rolling bids throughout the full eight weeks, finally selling at the end of term to their highest offer. After that, the pieces got taken down, sent to happy new owners, and the entire gallery reset with entirely new works. 

So if you missed one rotation, that meant waiting two months to get back in.

“Andre, how am I just cut from the gallery!” you barked before he could get a word in. If he didn’t like your work, he could’ve just said so. 

“No one said that ––”

“Okay, let me rephrase.” You pinched the bridge of your nose, something you found yourself doing quite frequently lately, and took a deep breath in and out. It was seemingly just for show because it did absolutely nothing to calm you down. “Why wouldn’t you put me in the next set? I’m in all of them!”

“I know you are!” He sounded just as upset. “It’s just that… we give you the biggest space we have, because you always manage to fill it up. But this time… I’m not so sure you can.”

“That’s ridiculous,” you scoffed. “What makes you say that?” You asked that, but you knew.

“You’ve only finished three pieces… I’m worried how you’ll deliver seven more before we set up.”

“But… it’s four weeks away, I could do ––”

“And it took you four weeks to make what you have... I’m sorry. We couldn’t take that gamble.” 

He took your silence as an opportunity to turn off the work talk and speak, just friend to friend. 

“You know that I trust you and I’d hold that spot if I could. But, I also know what you’re going through right now, and… I don’t know, maybe letting yourself rest would be a good thing?” 

Your heart paused. By, “knowing what you’re going through”, you assumed he didn’t mean the little artist’s block.

“If you’re implying that I can’t do my job because of what happened with Cyrus –”

“I’m not, I’m not....” he backtracked as quickly as he could. “But take another look at the paintings you showed me and tell me if they feel like you.”

Even if he was right, you wanted to fight him. You wanted to cry. You wanted to beg that you didn’t need that big space; you were willing to downsize and just turn in the three that you had. Even if they got shoved into the corner where hardly anybody bothered to look. You just couldn’t afford to go two months without the income. 

But even with tears beading up, you realized that the gallery couldn’t afford it either. They needed to bring in money and you couldn’t do that for them this time. So they were right to go to someone who can.

“Right,” you sniffled, recollecting yourself so he can’t hear the shakiness in your voice. “I understand. It’s a big risk, like you said… It’s for the better.”

Andre tried to thank you for being understanding and spewed some sort of encouragement. The words flew over your head. You managed to toss in a few ‘mhmm’s and ‘sure’s at the right places to coast you along until the call finally ended. 

As soon as it went dead, you dropped your phone to the side and brought your hands to your face, rubbing them furiously over your cheeks. Your fingertips pressed hard into your eyelids, trying to forcibly reabsorb the tears threatening to spill. 

It almost worked, until you tried to breathe. 

A full sob escaped in that one gulp of air and you succumbed to it. But the loud crunching noise of some pedestrian walking over the falling leaves destroyed your sense of privacy, and you quickly wiped away all signs of your breakdown. The crunching stopped just short of your bench and on instinct you flicked your eyes up to see who the intruder was.

You did a double take. It was him. That fucking asshole.

He was standing there, looking dumber than you could even remember, with his hands in his coat pockets and a curious look on his face as he watched you cry. Tucking your sketchbook under your arm in haste, you made it a point to stand up with as much aggression as possible, rolling your eyes at him.

“Don’t worry, I’m leaving,” you barked. “No need to yell at me this time.”

You bristled past him, barely refraining yourself from checking his shoulder as payback. You wanted to believe you were better than him, but it did sound incredibly tempting. He stood there for a moment before turning on his heel and following you.

“Wait,” he groaned.

You didn’t listen, neither stopping nor slowing down.

“I said wait,” he huffed as he caught up to you, popping up at your side and jogging along as you kept going.

“Yeah, because I need to listen to a guy who yells at strangers in bookstores.” 

Now that you’d brought up the elephant in the room, your feet started moving even faster, working double time to get you away from him.

Damn the fact that he had those long legs. He didn’t even break a sweat trying to keep up. He was inescapable.

“Well, if you waited like I asked, you would’ve gotten an apology for the ––”

“Gee, thanks!” you yelled, stopping for only a second to turn to him and give him a mocking bow of your head, hands clasped together like you were praising at his altar. “I was waiting with bated breath for that! Thank you, kind sir, for now my life can go on.”

“Look, I’m actually sorry,” he snapped. Then in realizing the irony, softened his voice, “I’m sorry for being rude. I was having a bad day… not that that’s an excuse.”

You stared at him blankly, just watching his mouth moving quickly and waiting until it finally stopped. 

“Did you need something?” 

“Did you… did you not hear what I just said?!” 

“No, sorry,” you smiled, voice sweet like sugar. “My ears filter bullshit. Wanna try again?”

He scoffed, looking away like he couldn’t believe you before stepping even closer. “What’s your problem?”

“Me!? The fuck –– what the fuck is your problem?” You turned and stormed off again, seething at his audacity. Spencer just couldn’t relent his annoying tendencies and followed yet again.

“My problem is that I’m trying to be nice, and you’re not letting me!”

You got a good, hard laugh out of that. “Okay, first of all, having to apologize for yelling at me and pushing me isn’t exactly the best starting point for the journey of becoming a nice person.”

“Like I said, I was having a bad day.” 

Under your breath, you muttered, “Well, I hope this one’s even worse.”

“Why are you such a ––” He stopped himself from finishing that thought. Even in his worst mood, he wouldn’t cross that line. 

But he didn’t need to finish it, you knew exactly where he wanted to take it. The soles of your shoes scraped against the loose gravel as you came to a grinding halt, ears ringing.

“A what?” You turned to face him, a sarcastic smile on your face growing wider as he started to shrink more and more. You got up close in his face, daring him to say what he really wanted to. So he could reinforce your belief in exactly the type of person he was. “A what?” 

Spencer pursed his lips and shook his head, refusing to say it no matter how much you challenged him. If he wasn’t going to have the balls to say it, you decided to take it upon yourself.

“Tell you what, you keep thinking about it and get back to me the next time you’re in a cunty mood.” 

The word he was thinking of was probably not as bad, but you had a habit of escalating things. Even if you took this one too far, you didn’t care. 

Before you tried to take off again, Spencer’s hand flew to your elbow. He tugged you back, forcing you to turn around and face him. He didn’t know his own strength; without any resistance, you came stumbling into his chest, at risk of falling over if it weren’t for his tight grip on your arm.

It took you a beat to push him away with both your hands on his chest, vocalizing your disgust for being so close to him. 

“Can you stop trying to disagree with me for a second? I’m trying to tell you that you’re right, I was being a… well, you know…” He avoided the word. Apparently ‘cunt’ was where he drew the line. “I’m sorry. You didn’t deserve it.” 

Your nostrils were still flared and blood hot as ever, but he made you pause. He looked sincere, if not a little tinged with guilt as well. You were suspicious of it.

“You saw me crying and felt bad, didn’t you?”

He laughed darkly. “Well, I saw you, yes. Did I feel bad? No.” 

“Oh, my God,” you growled, berating yourself for getting close to believing he might be capable of decency. 

“I’m joking! I’m joking.” He squeezed your elbow twice in earnest. “I did feel bad, but that’s not why I wanted to say it.”

“Okay.” You weren’t ready to give him a real smile, so you flattened your lips into a thin line and nodded once slowly, and left it at that. 

You still weren’t a fan, but the apology did dampen some of the resentment. Maybe he wasn’t the worst person alive. You’d settle for saying top ten most annoying, instead.

Minutes later, you came to the startling realization that he was still on the path, just two paces behind you. You flinched when you saw him out of the corner of your eye, not expecting him to still be here. 

“Uhm. Where are you… why are you still following me?” 

“I’m not. My car’s that way,” he gestured to the parking lot at the end of the long walkway. “I forgot my loaf for the ducks.” He didn’t mean to offer that information up, it just slipped out. He could practically see your smug expression coming before it even got there.

“You’re not supposed to feed bread to the ducks. It’s bad for them.”

“I don’t.” He didn’t care to explain this to you, but he couldn’t have you thinking he was any less competent than he really was. “It’s a special bread made from water and seeds that were ground into flour. It’s duck-safe.” 

“They make duck-safe bread?” Now that was something you’d never heard before. 

“No… I make duck-safe bread,” he said softly under his breath. 

You didn’t know how else you were supposed to react to that besides laughing wildly. 

“You make it?” He nodded like you were the crazy one here. As if he wasn’t the one spending his spare time grinding up seeds and baking loaves of bread for ducks, donning a frilly pink apron and oven mitts as he did so. At least that’s how you imagined it. “Why not just feed them the seeds?”

“Because, loose seeds will sink in the water and can potentially clog waterbeds and cause foreign bacteria growth in the pond.” 

“So you… hand-make the seeds into a little loaf of bread so it doesn't do that?”

He confirmed. You pondered silently for a moment, then absolutely had to ask, “You ever eaten the duck bread before?”

Spencer was caught off guard by that question. His cheeks deepened to a rosy color.

“Yeah, well, it was the house so…” he laughed nervously and stared at his sneakers. “It’s actually not too bad.”

You weren’t entirely surprised by that. You remembered what his grocery basket looked like, and given those same options, you probably would’ve tried the duck bread too. Still, you cracked the smallest of grins at knowing he makes bread for ducks. The one, sole redeeming fact you’ve learned about Spencer. 

You reached your car first, and Spencer stopped in front of it with you. 

“I’m actually sorry, you know,” he whispered once more, hand resting at the top of your car door as you opened it. He wasn’t talking about the incident at the bookstore.

“Yeah…” For a while you were so busy being angry at Spencer that you forgot about your own problems. 

He noticed your nose was still red around the edges, eyes still a little bleary. “Are you okay, by the way?” His voice was too soft, too genuine.

You shook your head no.

“Is there anything I can do?” You shook your head again. And then you had an awful thought.

You knew he was just offering to help just to say it, because that’s how people react when you say you’re not okay even if they don’t care. But there actually was something he could do for you… Something that Penelope could do.

“Uh, no but…” you fixed your hair and tucked it behind your ear, seamlessly switching to a flirtier voice. “If you still feel bad about the other day, you’re welcome to make it up to me.”

Spencer cocked his head to the side, unsure of how he could do that. 

“Hang out with me sometime.”

“H-hang out?” You could tell that it flustered him, even if he tried to play it off. He swallowed thickly, nose twitching and brows scrunched together.

“Relax, I really do just mean hang out.” You were lying through your teeth. He didn’t need to know that. 

As if he didn’t want to think about it for a second longer and just get out of this conversation as quickly as possible, he agreed without thinking it through. He didn’t even ask why an almost complete stranger would want to hang out with him. 

You stuck your hand out, expecting him to hand over his cell so you could put your contact into it. He rocked on the balls of his feet, watching as you input your contact and sent yourself a text on his phone.

“Hi, this is…” you read out your message as you typed, pausing at just the right place. “What’s your name by the way?”

“Oh-uh, I’m Spencer.” 

A devilish grin took over your face, hidden from his view while you were looking down at the screen. He was going to be easy to fool.

-

-

agh! im still not in love with how this chapter is turning out, but it came to a point where i just had to stop fiddling with it and just post it. any feedback or comments about this story is very much appreciated 💕

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[0097linersb]

Try Me

ONE SHOT

Pairings: Jaemin x Reader

Genre: Smut

Word count: 7.3k

Warnings: Drinking, public sex stuff, cheating (not in the storyline), smoking.

A/N: I had this saved in my drafs so why not 

Yeri really meant well, you knew that in her mind all of this “put on something sexy and make him regret everything he had done” made sense. You were thankful though; All of this babbling was distracting you from focusing on the fact that you would be stuck with Jaehyun for hours without being able to A. Punch him or B. Cry.

Johnny had texted you multiple times assuring that it was ok if you couldn’t make it, you knew he felt kind of guilty for the whole situation. Honestly, you felt kind of guilty too, Jaehyun and Johnny had been friends for even longer than you and Johnny had, but since shit went down, their friendship has been strained - You don’t think they even really talked anymore, only coexisting because they shared the same group of friends. You never meant to ruin their relationship, but at the same time, it wasn’t your fault if Jaehyun decided to ruin you. He got what he deserved.

Yeri adjusted your hair after ringing the doorbell and you smiled at her, trying to show her you were fine. Besides the once in a while triggers and consequences resulting from the end of a long relationship and being cheated on, you really were fine now.

As you handed Yeri her green package back, the door was opened by none other than Mark Lee. You were thankful for the second time that night; When couples break up, they normally split the things they used to share as well: In your case, you got the dog and Jaehyun got the friends. It was nothing mutually decided by the two of you, you simply stole your dog and did not let the man see Cobain again and you didn’t answer to any calls from the friends you two shared because in your messy mind back in the day, you were angry at them too. After a long time and thousand of ignored doorbells and phone calls, you finished processing things and got back in touch with the boys you were the closest with before everything happened, Mark being one of them.

You two shared a hug and he led the way to the living room, where way more people than you imagined were hanging out on the floor. Johnny had told you there would be a warm-up before the real party for his closest friends and apparently, he was way more popular than you gave him credit for. You and Yeri waved as you greeted everyone out loud, purposefully ignoring Jaehyun who was staring at you deeply (and your heart that stopped for a bit, nervous at your first sight of him after months).

You quickly asked Mark where was Johnny, before your ex-boyfriend could come and ask you to talk like you knew he would (and have managed to avoid for all this time). As your friend stuttered over his words, looking around to try and find the host himself, Johnny came back from the kitchen smiling excited, “Look if it isn’t my favorite girl!”

You happily hugged him tight, wishing him a happy birthday and handing him your gift. He handed you the can he was holding, telling you he had bought some of your favorite drinks just for you, before opening the poorly made wrapping you managed to do and gasped, “Y/N! What the actual fuck?”

“Did you like it?”

“Dude, you know I loved it! Thank you so much, I’m legit tearing up. This must have been impossible to find!” Johnny hugged you once again, even spinning you around in the air as he giggled like a teenager. After all, he was right, the specific vintage jacket from his favorite brand WAS nearly impossible to find.

“Ugh, now I feel bad about my gift,” Yeri groaned, handing him her package as soon as he put you back down.

“Nonsense. All gifts are welcome and will be very much appreciated,” Johnny answered, unwrapping the green paper to reveal a box with a drinking game and the boy’s favorite gin. He smiled as he hugged Yeri too, “You know me so well, thank you!”

The birthday boy then moved on to bragging to a jealous Mark about his new jacket, leaving you and Yeri to stand there awkwardly because even though there were some familiar faces in the living room, the great majority of the people there were unknown to you. Haechan, one of your favorite people in the world, noticed you two and called out your name.

“Ugh, I can’t sit down, Yeri made me wear this skirt,” You groaned as soon as you two stood next to the little circle of friends Haechan was sitting with.

“Here,” A guy you didn’t know smiled at you, taking off his jacket and handing it to you as Yeri whined over you blaming her.

You had never, in your more than two decades of being alive, blushed before. You shyly thanked him, crouching down to sit on the floor on the space he had opened up next to him, as he helped you place the jacket on your lap. Yeri sent you a look as she sat next to Haechan and you just ignored her; You were well aware the guy was attractive, thank you very much.

“Guys, these are Y/N and Yeri. Girls, these are Renjun, Jeno, Jisung and Jaemin.”

You smiled and greeted each one as Haechan pointed at them, thanking the one called Jaemin once again for the jacket.

“No problem at all,” He winked at you and your heart fluttered for the first time in months, maybe years.

Maybe you just missed pretty boys giving you attention.

Haechan invited Yeri to go to the kitchen to mix some drinks and it was your turn to send Yeri a look as she grabbed his hand and followed him, you couldn’t stand how long her and Haechan have been playing this “everyone knows we like each other besides us” game.

“I bet you 10 bucks they will finally make out tonight,” Jaemin told you, bumping his shoulder against yours lightly to get your attention.

“Oh, so you’re aware too?”

“Even if Haechan hadn’t made me listen to hours of him whining about her, I would have felt the tension around him the moment she walked in.”

You laughed at that, remembering your friend fixing her bra to make her boobs look better and giving herself a pep-talk as you entered.

“I bet you 15 they won’t,” Renjun added. “Haechan’s stupid.”

“I’m on Jaemin’s side,” You sighed. “I’ll have to raise you 20.”

“Now things are interesting, I’m with Renjun,” Jeno smiled, his eyes disappearing as he did it. Cute.

“It’s on then. We have until, what? 3 AM?” Renjun suggested.

“Sure, but we have to have some rules,” Jeno agreed.

“We can only meddle indirectly,” You said.

“Yeah, no talking straight to them about it,” Jaemin agreed.

“If one of you suggest a drinking game I will-”

“You can bet your ass I’m suggesting a drinking game,” Jaemin interrupted before Renjun could even finish his threat.

“Any more rules?” Jeno asked, putting his hand over Renjun’s mouth so he would stop whining.

“Can’t think of any.”

“Nop.”

“It’s a deal then.”

You all cheered with whatever drink you were having and you almost downed the whole can of Four Loko, trying to numb the burning on your back from Jaehyun’s eyes still on you. Jaemin watched you with curiosity but didn’t say anything - You enjoyed the way he looked at you, with warm eyes and the hint of a smile.

Jeno and Renjun soon started whispering about their plans to keep the lovebirds apart and you got lost in thoughts, amused when you heard Renjun suggesting that Jeno had to hit on Yeri so she would forget about Haechan for the night – Jeno was handsome but the girl has been simping over your friend for months, not even a nice face and a fit body could distract her from her feelings.

“You’re really pretty,” Jaemin suddenly brought you back to reality with a soft matter of fact tone. He was still looking at you, his chin resting on the arm he was supporting on his bent knee.

You couldn’t help smiling at that, what was up with this boy?

“Coming from you,” You rolled your eyes.

“You think I’m pretty?” He smiled, jokingly batting his eyelashes at you.

“Amongst other things.”

“Well, Y/N, I hope you’re single ‘cause I’m gonna start hitting on you now,” He informed, taking a sip from his beer.

“I thought you were already,” You playfully pouted.

“Only if you wanted me to be.”

You were about to reply when you were interrupted by a loud fake vomiting noise coming from Renjun, “Should we change the targets of our bet?”

“That would be a waste of money, Renjunnie,” Jaemin informed calmly, winking at you before continuing. “Y/N and I are indeed going to kiss.”

“Is that so?” You laughed. You knew he was just teasing his friend but you don’t think you would mind that much If it really happened.

“Let’s see where the night takes us.”

Johnny’s voice came unexpectedly from right behind you as you were still processing Jaemin’s words, “Y/N, let me introduce you to my friends.”

You politely smiled at the boys you were hanging out with, returning Jaemin’s jacket and thanking him once again, saying you would be right back.

Johnny went around with you, making sure you knew and chatted a bit with everyone. It was no surprise he had an amazing group of friends. Everyone was so nice and funny that you didn’t even notice when you had finished greeting almost everyone, but when you two turned around to get to the next person, the only people missing were Jaehyun and another two guys who were chatting with him. Everyone in the group suddenly went quiet, your body stiffened as this was the first time you were this close to him ever since that night. Your ex was about to step forward to try and talk to you but Johnny didn’t let him, giving him the coldest look you had ever seen and a warning “fuck off” before dragging you away.

“I’m sorry about that, I didn’t even want to invite him,” Johnny said once you two were out of hearing range.

“He’s your friend, it’s ok.”

“Is he though? I’m not sure I want someone like that as a friend.”

“C’mon, you’ve known him for over 15 years. I can accept you still hanging out, you’ve already proven me your loyalty kind Sir,” You joked. “Honestly, knowing you lost your best friend just makes me feel worse.”

“I didn’t lose shit, he did.”

“I know, I’m not defending Jaehyun by any means, I honestly wouldn’t mind him burning in hell. But, I’d like you to work things out with him, it’s not easy to let go of someone you grew up with. People fuck up, you have my blessing.”

“Stop being like that, just let me be mad with you.”

“Being angry is not good for your heart, John. You’re getting old, time to start forgiving people and living life before it’s too late. I can deal with this grudge eternally by myself,”

“Well, Jaemin over there is eyeing you since you left so I suggest you take upon your own advice.”

“I’m not old yet,” You teased. “But I’ll think about it.”

          _______________________________________________________________

Eventually, Jaemin’s threat did become a reality as he organized almost everyone on a circle so you could play truth or dare. Some people decided to not participate, like Jaehyun of course, who just looked stressed on the couch (as he should). Even though Renjun had whined before, he was the one who carried all of the alcohol bottles to the living room and actually started the game.

You were honestly just using the moment to get drunk and to roll your eyes every time you and Jaehyun’s eyes crossed. Seriously, he wasn’t even playing, go be somewhere else.

Since there were so many people, the bottle rarely landed on you, so you and Lucas made up your own little game called “take a shot every time Haechan bullies someone.”

After a few rounds, the game suddenly got more interesting to you, as the tip of the bottle pointed at Jaemin (who’s jacket was back on your lap) and Renjun laughed devilish, “I dare you to make out with Y/N.”

You knew that was going to happen but your body still froze, maybe at the way your ex quickly stood up from the couch or maybe in expectation. You carefully licked your lips, eyebrows furrowed as you tried to avoid making eye contact with the boy next to you.

“I’m going to drink,” Jaemin said, swallowing all the vodka on his cup in one swift motion and you just turned your body in his direction, dumbfounded. All the teenage movies and fanfics have lied to you.

After a group chant of incredulous “dude” and “what the fuck” (that honestly flattered you a bit), Jaemin seemed unbothered, shrugging as he filled his cup once again, “If we’re going to make out, It will be for our enjoyment and not yours.”

So fucking stupid.

And kind of hot.

Haechan called him an idiot, you and Lucas drank to that and everyone moved on to the next target.

You loved your friend so much, but honestly, he needed to start being nicer to people. You were already beginning to feel your head spin from all the shots Haechan forced you to drink, laughing hard at things that weren’t even that funny. It’s not your fault if Doyoung dared an excited Yuta to give Mark a lap dance.

When you thought the game was almost over since it was almost party time, the bottle pointed at you. You informed YangYang you would do a dare and he told you to talk dirty to Lucas until he blushed, if he didn’t, you had to drink.

“That’s not fair! I’m already hot from the alcohol,” Lucas whined and you shushed him.

You had just met the boy but you had already noticed he was one to get flustered easily. A few minutes ago, you had accidentally touched his thigh while trying to reach for the Tequila to fill your plastic cup and he was already stuttering like an anime character. So, you gathered all your competitive energy and got on your knees to whisper anything dirty you could think of into your new friend’s ear. As expected, after about 20 seconds, Lucas was already covering his pink face in embarrassment, high fiving you as a congratulations as you sat back down, with his eyes still wide.

You tried to reach the empty wine bottle while holding Jaemin’s jacket to cover yourself, the owner of the piece sensed your struggle and touched the low part of your back to sign you to sit back down, making a shiver run down your spine before he spun it for you. The chances of it landing on either Haechan or Yeri were low, but they still got you and Jaemin tense, squeezing each other’s hands tightly as if you were waiting for the decisive penalty in the World Cup or something.

You saw Yeri giving you a thumbs up at you and Jaemin’s closeness; Poor girl, didn’t even know what was in store for her.

As expected, the bottle stopped in Mark’s direction and you sighed. Well, desperate times call for desperate measures. Like the good boy he was, your friend chose truth and you smiled at Jaemin, deciding to use Renjun’s idea against him, “Marky, most of us here know that you used to have a crush on Yeri. Tell us why that is.”

Jaemin laughed at you, muttering a low “Evil” before leaning back on his hands to watch Mark blush and stutter over his words, poor boy was already traumatized by Yuta. Yeri gave you a confused look, mouthing a “what the fuck?” but you could see she was excited to receive some free compliments and, by the way Haechan tensed and closed his face, your plan was working better than you had wished.

“Uhm, just so you guys know this was a long time ago,” Mark informed his friends, who were all teasing him loudly. You honestly thought more people knew about Mark’s old crush, it was not your intention to turn him into the new group’s target. “But uhm, I just thought she was like, hum, pretty and like, funny. But also like smart and we always had lots of fun together. Not that she isn’t all that stuff anymo- We’re good friends now, that’s what I mean. Completely over it.”

Everyone continued to tease the almost hyperventilating boy (even Yeri), you noticed Haechan placing his hand on her back possessively and you knew your job there was done.

_____________________________________________________________

As people started to arrive and Johnny’s house started getting full, the game was considered over and in no time, the bright lights were off, a low red filling the walls and the music blaring from the sound boxes a boy who Jeno introduced as Chenle had brought. You stole Yeri from Haechan for a while, dancing with her in the middle of all the newly arrived people as you shared another can of the Four Lokos Johnny had hidden in his room for you. You had missed dancing and having fun with your best friend, all the months of crying and not feeling like leaving your bed, forgotten at the moment, replaced by spinning walls and flashing lights that matched the beat of the pop song playing. You and Jaemin often crossed eyes and he smiled at you, but he was entertained talking to a girl from Johnny’s college class you faintly remember eating with once or twice, so you figured he was done with whatever little thing you two were having earlier. Well, if you felt like it, Lucas was also pretty cute and sure seemed interested.

You honestly just wanted to make out with as many people you could, enjoy the freedom of being single after years with the same person, but, since this was your first party in a while and all your friends were there, you decided to take things slower and not be messy enough to worry Yeri and Johnny right out of the bat. Could you ever flirt after all this time?

After a few songs, Mark invited you to a beer pong game as revenge for exposing him earlier and you finally left Yeri to go back to her loverboy as you accepted the challenge. Hendery was keeping the scores while a bunch of other guys stood around cheering you both on.

“This is not beer,” You complained, scrunching your face at the bitter taste of the first cup Mark hit.

“There are so many things in there, but I’m pretty sure beer is one of them.”

“Ew.”

“Exactly.”

Not having lost practice as you had feared, you thankfully won the game, only having to drink a few cups of that horrible mix of drinks, as opposite to Mark: Who had to drink all of them and the rest of yours and was currently being carried outside by Yuta to breathe a little bit of fresh air.

You loved feeling like this, your whole body beating like you were part of the songs, smiling at nothing because life just felt so funny and free. As you turned around to find something else to do now that the game was over, you once again locked eyes with Jaehyun from across the room and you simply sent him a middle finger and laughed at yourself. Ah, being drunk was all you needed.

He mouthed a “Can we please talk?” before you could turn away and you just rolled your eyes. You weren’t dealing with this whole situation very maturely but Jaehyun wasn’t very mature either when he put his dick inside some chick so, you were done feeling like this was somehow your fault and sad about it.

The interaction made your blood boil so you went over to the couch to sulk a bit and hope some guy would offer you another drink. Your wishes were soon turned into reality as Jaemin hovered over you, handing you another can of Four Loko.

You looked confused at him and he shrugged, “I noticed you’ve been drinking this the whole night, Johnny told me where to get it.”

“Thanks,” You groaned, grabbing the can. You needed a couple of minutes to get back into the party mood.

You were preparing yourself to be teased by the boy in front of you about your bad mood, but he surprised you once again, “You look cute when you pout.”

“I’m not pouting, go back to your girlfriend.”

“Oh, I see how it is,” He smiled before telling whoever was sitting next to you to get lost so he could sit with you. “Unfortunately, I only have eyes for the pretty girl moping on the couch.”

You felt yourself softening at that and you laid back, dropping your head on the back of the couch and turning it around to look at the amused boy next to you, “Sorry, just – ugh, even being in the same room as my ex drives me insane.”

“Is he that bad?”

“Actually, no. He was an amazing boyfriend.”

“Then why did you two break up?”

“He cheated on me.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah,” You sighed, taking a sip from your drink.

“That really makes no sense.”

“Pretty dumb of him.”

“I have never seen something as stupid in my life, and I’m friends with Mark and Haechan.”

“Quit flirting if you’re gonna keep doing nothing about it.”

“Everything at its own time,” He smirked, amused at you.

“I’m starting to believe you’re playing me.”

“You? I would never.”

“Then you’re just simply annoying.”

“You could just do something about it yourself, you know?” He suggested, dropping his head back on the couch too and turning around to look into your eyes, your faces only a few centimeters apart.

“I like the chase too much.”

“And I like chasing you.”

“Speaking of chases, shouldn’t we be watching the two lovebirds?”

“I don’t care about them right now, but I’m pretty sure Renjun and Jeno are stalking them if it makes you feel better.”

“I’m not sure if you’re trying to be a gentleman-“

“I’m not.”

You sigh once again, if Jaemin wasn’t so hot and didn’t radiate this dominant energy that just drew you like a magnet, you figured you wouldn’t be this interested in putting up with his games. Truth be told, you were enjoying this flirting tension: When you both knew something was going to happen but not yet, it kept your fingers tingling in excitement, blood rushing through your body fast.

Suddenly, Jaemin stood up and offered you his hand, “Can I take you dancing?”

“Show me what you got,” You smiled, accepting his hand and following him into the middle of the living room full of drunk people enjoying themselves to the loud music.

It was currently playing a 2000’s playlist and you were surprised when Jaemin let go of your hand to grab your hips and pull you closer, you laughed in joy at him finally doing something and placed your hands around his neck as you swung your hips to the beat of the song. It was entertaining, the boy being able to keep up with your energy as you two jokingly tried to tease each other dancing sexily, giggling at the attempts. It was all fun and games, excluding the fact that Jaemin was indeed hot and all his “jokes” were getting to you. By the way he was looking at your lips, maybe he felt the same. You took the opportunity to turn around, pressing your back to his chest and slowly grinding your ass against him in the rhythm of the song.

You felt the mood shifting when his breath hitched, air quickly getting heavier and you felt very hot. You were just beginning to enjoy yourself when Jaemin’s right hand was suddenly holding your jaw, he slowly caressed it with his thumb as he pulled your head back on his shoulder. You heard his voice lowly against your ear, “Don’t tease me, princess.”

It left you breathless.

His hands traveled firmly from your waist down to your bare thighs, his palm was warm but you shivered anyways, the slow touch sending electric shocks through your body and a throb between your legs. It was like the whole world stopped and all that existed were the two of you. Jaemin brushed his wet lips against your exposed neck as his hands were beginning to trail back up very slowly from the side of your thighs, only his fingers lightly touching your skin now and you could feel every heartbeat all over your body.

You let out a high whimper and his hands automatically grabbed your waist in response.

“You don’t understand how pretty you sound.”

“Do I?”

He hummed against your neck, finally leaving some light open-mouthed kisses on it as he caressed your sides. You bit your lip to hold back any sounds, but the idea of a moan still escaped your mouth as you grinded your ass back one more time, feeling something throb against it. Jaemin was quick to turn you around after that, pressing you two together and staring heavily at you.

“Are you finally going to kiss me?” You breathed against his lips, masking your plea in the form of a question.

“If you ask nicely,” He smirked, forehead pressed against yours.

This man was honestly driving you crazy, you hadn’t even kissed yet and you were already feeling how your underwear was starting to stick against your hot skin.

“I’m not going to beg for something you want just as much,” You complained.

“Pity, you’d look so good begging for me,” He sighed before stepping away, leaving you dumbfounded for the second time that night.

Jaemin simply offered you his hand, “Come, let’s go outside.”

You huffed annoyed, accepting his offer since you were not even being able to process what was happening, “You’re enjoying teasing me, aren’t you?”

“You have no idea,” He smiled, opening the sliding door that led to the pool area behind Johnny’s house.

As soon as you closed the door behind you, you heard someone softly calling your name and your body stiffened when you turned around to see who the owner of the voice was. Jaemin noticed you suddenly tensing and squeezed your hand lightly, bending down to whisper a “need some help?”

You shook your head, telling him to go sit down and that you would be right there before begrudgingly walking towards Jaehyun, “I don’t want to talk to you, just leave me alone.”

“You don’t need to talk, just please listen to me,” He pleaded and you stared at him, annoyed. You figured it was better to listen to him already so he would let you be, instead of continuing this annoying chase after you forever. “Listen, I know there’s nothing I can say to fix this but I’ve been trying to talk to you for months, I called a hundred times – God, I slept in the hallway outside your apartment for nights in a row. Y/N, I made a mistake and I ruined my life with it, you have no idea how much I regret it and how much I miss you, I’ve been a mess without you and I’m- I needed to tell you how sorry-“

“Stop, Jaehyun,” You interrupted him, your tone ice cold. “You can tell me whatever you need to get out of your chest so you’re able to sleep at night, but I will not allow you to apologize to clear your conscience. You cheated on me, you broke my trust and you deeply hurt someone who loved you, now you learn how to live with that and don’t use me to make you feel less guilty.”

“Y/N, I’m not trying to apologize to feel better, I know I fucked up and I don’t want your forgiveness, I don’t deserve it. I’m just asking you to give me another chance, you’re the love of my life and whatever happened was a drunken mistake because I was angry at our fight –“

“It’s not whatever happened Jaehyun, say it: You fucked someone else as I was in bed crying about our fight. Another woman was sucking your dick as I was home waiting for you to come back so I could apologize. Your tongue was down someone else’s throat on the same day you told me you wanted to marry me in a few years in the same church you were baptized at. I don’t want to give you another chance. Honestly, I want you to rot.”

You could see his eyes burning. Good.

“Y/N, please-“

“We were together for almost 4 years, Jaehyun. Honestly, fuck you. I hope you enjoyed getting your dick hard.”

With that you turned around and left, you honestly weren’t sad anymore, there weren’t tears left in your body. The only feeling you had toward your relationship and your ex-boyfriend at the moment, was extreme anger; You would punch him if it wouldn’t cause a scene and ruin your best friend’s party. So, now annoyed, you marched towards Jaemin, who was sitting down on a big pool sofa, talking to YangYang and Chenle while glancing at you worriedly from time to time.

You quickly greeted the other two before dropping yourself on Jaemin’s lap, feeling his arms wrap around your waist as he quietly asked if you were ok. You answered him with a fake smile and joined the conversation to get your blood to stop boiling, the boy absently running circles on your thigh with his fingers as he laughed at whatever story YangYang was telling. You could feel the man under you was still semi-hard and honestly, if you were already needy before, after this whole interaction with your ex you were just plain frustrated. Tired of playing the game by Jaemin’s rules, you pretended you were adjusting your position so you could grind against him to take advantage of the fact he was still kind of sensitive. The first time you did it, he gave you the benefit of the doubt, the second time he let it slide, the third time you felt his hands stiffening on top of you and then trying to hold you still, as he tried to pay attention to the boys in front of him, you innocently answering Chenle’s question like you didn’t have his friend’s hard cock pressing against your ass.

You gave it another try but was quickly stopped by Jaemin’s hands, who lowly hissed a “Stop it” in your ear. You really didn’t have an option as his strong grip wouldn’t let you move even if you wanted, so you decided to let him be and go get another drink, asking if they wanted anything too. After YangYang explained exactly what beer he wanted, you got up, leaving an uncomfortable looking Jaemin behind.

At Johnny’s room you looked for the secret stash of drinks he left for you and after opening some drawers, you found it at his closet, actually inside a cooler with ice. You couldn’t believe you had such an amazing person in your life, who even thinks of that? As you were contemplating how incredible your best friend was and trying to find YangYang’s weird beer in the kitchen, you heard an excited “Y/N!”

“Lucas!”

“How are you enjoying the party?” The boy approached, supporting his arm on the fridge’s door, big smile on his face.

“It’s been fun, what about you? Getting too crazy?”

“Almost there.”

You let out a happy “yes” when you finally found a bottle that read what YangYang had specified, men are weird with their beers and their barbecues.

You closed the door and smiled at Lucas, “Well, make sure you have someone to take you home before getting too crazy.”

“I was thinking more about taking you home.”

“Look who suddenly got bold,” You laughed, remembering the giggling and blushing mess he was by whatever slightly suggestive things you whispered on his ear because of the game earlier.

“I had to try. But I’m just playing, I know you heard one-liners from every man in here already.”

“Not really, I’ve been busy,” You smiled. “I’m going outside, wanna come with?”

“I’m actually looking for YangYang, boy just disappeared when we were about to play beer pong.”

“He’s by the pool, came inside to get this for him,” You informed him, raising the bottle on your right hand.

“I’m holding back the pick-up line about you being an angel really hard right now.”

You laughed loudly at that, “C’mon.”

If you didn’t feel your body physically pulling you towards Jaemin for some reason, you would have been all over Lucas by now; but the place where his hand held your jaw was still tingling and the flashbacks constantly running through your mind just wouldn’t let you get over the man.

You noticed the moment Jaemin saw you, a lazy smirk forming on his face. You hated not being able to read him. The man was quick to pull you back onto his lap, greeting Lucas who looked at you amusedly and gave you a thumbs up, realizing what you meant by being busy. YangYang squealed happily when you handed him the beer and after a quick discussion about the beer pong tournament that would start soon, the boy and Chenle followed Lucas back inside, leaving you and Jaemin finally alone (well, as alone as one can be at a party).

You offered Jaemin the can you were drinking from and the boy pouted, not wanting to unwrap his arms from around you. You laughed at the man and tipped the drink on his lips so he could taste it.

“This is actually tasty.”

“You have never tried it before?”

“Not this flavor.”

“Oh, it’s the best.”

“I would have to disagree,” he smiled, staring blatantly at your lips.

There he goes again. You were not going to let him go back to his little game, not unless you were winning.

Damn, maybe this wasn’t the best time to be competitive.

“I guess you’ll never know,” You shrugged, placing the can on the floor next to you so you could delicately turn around, to straddle Jaemin without your skirt riding up. You lightly traced your fingertips on his chest, slowly going down to his abdomen, feeling his muscles tightening under your touch. The man looked unbothered, lazy even with his back bent down on the back of the seat, watching your hands play with him without saying a word. Thankfully, his breathing told you a different story, you were hearing his respiration getting shallower, a sudden fast intake of breath when your fingers lightly brushed right over the waistband of his pants. When you felt the now slightly familiar pulse of his dick right against your core, you slowly grinded against the man, wanting to scream at the raw groan he let out.

“Revenge?” He asked, an amused smile on his lips.

“I’m not like that, Jaeminnie.”

“You’re playing with fire.”

“Doesn’t seem like it,” You bent down so you could whisper against his ear: “Should I be scared?”

“Keep having your fun, princess,” The man smiled darkly and you felt your limbs going slightly numb again at the nickname. Jaemin noticed it and caressed your arms, looking deep into your eyes, “I can’t wait to destroy you.”

“Do it, now.”

“I’m enjoying the show.”

You were really about to punch him, not being able to hold back the roll of your eyes and the groan that passed your lips.

“You want a real spectacle? Fine then. This is what you’re doing to me, Jaemin,” You whined annoyed, grabbing his hand and bringing it down your skirt, lightly tracing his fingers over your soaked underwear. The man tensed so harshly he almost jumped, staring down at his hands disappearing behind the fabric of your clothes in shock.

You quickly looked around to make sure no one was paying attention before using your other hand to discreetly pull the bottom of your panties to the side and slowly trace Jaemin’s fingers through your folds, so he could really feel how annoying he was being. He groaned the hottest “fuck” you have ever heard in your life at the same time you whimpered at the feeling of his fingers touching you. You were honestly so needy and hadn’t been touched by anyone in months, that even this little contact got you ready to explode, feeling like it was your first time all over again.

You were about to pull Jaemin’s fingers away and walk back into the party so he could taste his own medicine, but at the slight mention of you trying to stand up from his lap, the man used his other hand to grab your hip and hold you down, “Not so fast, baby.”

“Jaemin-“ You gasped, looking around afraid that someone would see. Your intention was to only quickly tease him and move on, knowing it wouldn’t attract attention, but apparently, he had different plans.

“I warned you not only once, but twice. Now you’re going to stay here and take it like a good girl,” He told you in a dominant tone, looking straight into your eyes from under you as he traced his fingers up to your clit, using his middle finger to rub circles on it. You were already so sensitive it was embarrassing how hard you had to bite your lips to hold back your moans, Jaemin saw that and only smirked, not wavering his work for a bit as you held onto his shoulders, “If being fucked in public is what you want so much, I can fill you up right here, in front of everyone. Get you screaming so the whole party can hear since you can’t wait. So impatient.”

“Jaemin-“

“That’s my name.”

“I’m close.”

“Already?” He asked amusedly and you nodded, trying to maintain your posture so if anyone looked, It would be a tiny bit less obvious that you were about to cum on a semi-stranger’s fingers after what seemed like 5 seconds.

His smirk grew bigger and suddenly his hand stopped, you were about to whine but was interrupted by two of his fingers deep inside you and, the fact you were so wet that you could just take it, got you whining instead.  

He curled his fingers as he pumped them skillfully into you, your nails gripping the back of his shoulders like your life depended on it and body giving up, slightly falling on top of him as his forehead met yours once again. You were far too gone to feel Jaemin’s free hand rubbing soft circles into your lower back, thighs shaking like you were already on your third orgasm. This man really had magic fingers, what the actual fuck? Now you understood all the teasing and playing hard to get, he could afford the anticipation.

“You look so pretty,” He breathed against your lips softly like he wasn’t fucking you insane with just his fingers.

You closed your eyes, not being able to manage his stare, and that’s when you felt his wet lips slightly brushing against yours. He was waiting for you to take the next step and you were honestly almost crumbling, he bit your bottom lip softly at the same time he used his thumb to stimulate your clit and you were gone before you even had the chance to feel his tongue against yours. Your mind just went white, your body spasmed as Jaemin laid back on the couch so he could watch you cumming, fingers still pumping deep into you. You opened your eyes to the view of the man looking absolutely entranced, an almost animalistic look on his eyes and you bit back your moans at that, riding out your orgasm that lasted longer than normal.

After you felt like your soul was back into your body, you held Jaemin’s wrist so he would stop, breathing hard like you had just run a marathon. He slowly drew his fingers back, wrapping his lips around it and damn, you had never felt the need for a second round this fast.

“Want a cigarette?”  He asked like nothing had happened once you were almost recomposed (and as if you couldn’t see his dick straining against his jeans under you).

“Do you smoke?” You asked confused, choosing to ignore his current problem since he already scolded you for being impatient.

“Once in a while. Found a pack here, someone probably dropped it.”

“Oh, sure.”

Jaemin shuffled to get the little box from the pocket inside his jacket, glad that whoever lost the box also kept their lighter inside. You soon found out it was not a whoever, recognizing the watermelon cigarette as the one Jaehyun smokes. Not amused, you picked the one the man under you was offering (happily to spend your ex’ money)and climbed down from Jaemin thighs to sit down next to him, so you wouldn’t blow smoke right into his face.  

The both of you smoked in silence for a while, staring at the people around you (thankfully no one was giving you weird looks so you didn’t think anyone saw you being a 13-year-old virgin boy), Jaemin’s left hand stayed on your right thigh. He looked so good.

“You’re still hard,” You commented after a while, not being able to keep it in any longer.

“I’m well aware.”

“Can I do something about it?”

“You will. Just thinking about where I’m going to take you.”

“We can use Johnny’s guest room.”

“He told us he locked it before you arrived.”

“Oh, please. I know Johnny better than he knows himself, I’m sure I can find the keys.”

“You haven’t even kissed me yet and already trying to get me in bed?” He smirked jokingly, blowing out the smoke from his mouth.

“Ok then, I’m not moving a finger. Go find someone else to lead on,” You huffed, turning your face away from him annoyed.

“I think you broke me,” Jaemin said, using the hand that was on your thigh to softly hold your chin and pull your face back around, his eyes were on yours again and you could feel his breathing on your lips. “After seeing you cum, I’m doomed. You look so beautiful, princess. Can’t wait to have tears running down your pretty cheeks as I ruin you back.”

And then his lips were finally on yours, just slow and soft like you had all the time in the world and as If he hadn’t just threatened to make a mess out of you. You couldn’t explain the way his lips felt even if you tried, all you can say is that Jaemin definitely used some kind of ancient magic. You had your fair share of kisses in life, even before Jaehyun, and a lot of them were great, but nothing could compare to the way Jaemin’s tongue passed your lips and met yours.

You were sure he was not joking about getting you crying for more later, even now, you felt like if he took his hand away from the back of your neck and stopped kissing you, not so pretty tears would leave your eyes and you wouldn’t even be ashamed.

It was him that ruined you.

[bluewormonastring]

My live reactions to season 2 (episode 5)

SPOILERS OBVIOUSLY KIDS READ AT YOUR OWN RISK

Kinda mad because I already typed out commentary for the first 10 mins before accidentally deleting it but nevertheless we persevere

I’ve missed them being goofy so fucking much this makes me so happy

HES WEARING A BELL PHAHAHAHA

Lucius is abt to go tf off

ED IS TRYING HIS BEST JIM BE RESPECTFUL SMH

LUCIUS I LOVE YOU LMFAOOO

Lu looks like a lesbian going to a rodeo w those bell bottoms

Not a single person believes buttons is a bird

OMG OLU IS WITH JIM AND ARCHIE OMG YAY I LOVE JIM AND ARCHIE DONT GET ME WRONG BUT I WAS SO SAD THAT WE WERENT GETTING MORE OLU TIME

Lucius ur insane again xX

But he’s so fr with the words I’m sorry never being said and “the bar is on the floor”

OH MY FUCKING GOD IZZY AND LUCIUS ARE TALKING LIKE THEYRE MAKING EYE CONTACT COEXISTING OH MY GOD (now kiss)

Daily reminder that I adore Izzy hands

FUCK OFF THEYVE SWITCHED IZZYS BOLD NOW HE TOOK THE JOINT OR WTV AND WENT TO PUT IT BACK IN LUS MOUTH AND HE HIT IT AWAY

Crying they put motherfucking Blackbeard on probation

Living for stede practicing captaining

He’s so proud of the door lmfao

“Oh hey friend” “AHH FUCK YOU”

YES FINALLY WE GOT THE LUCIUS AND ED CONFRONTATION

“There is nothing you could do that could fix this” “I will let you push me off the ship” “actually-“ LMFAOOO

Izzy ur so talented I love you

“Yeah Blackbeard says a lot of things… but what did he say about me… sss…specifically” Izzy I love you ur perfect

Oh stede you’re trying

LUCIUS REENACTING THE FUCKING PUSHING HIM OFF LMAO

OH MY FUCKIN GOD LMFAO “FUCKIN EAT MY SHIT BLACKBEARD HOW DOES THAT FEEL BITCH” PHAHAHAHAH

I don’t think you actually feel better my friend

Whatcha doin fang

“I’m gonna catch some fishies” I LOVE YOU FANG

AWWW YAY IM SO GLAD FANG IS HAPPY AGAIN HE IS MY SON

Izzy respectfully what are u carving this whole episode

I fuckin knew there was gonna be some demon symbol shit this episode

JIM DIPPING LMFAO

Stede respectfully stay the fuck away from that vest

OH MY GOD THATS WHY HE SAYS I DID A PUNCH LMAO

Also I thought that dude was Lucius at first

“Playing las maracas with the devil” *spits*

HES SO GIRLY POP IN THAT OUTFIT

Living for Izzy and stede just causally spending time together (but don’t fuck sorry kids I am not a stizzyhands girlie)

OH MY GOD ITS PETE AND LUCIUS

NOT EDS FACE BEING ON EVERYTHING LMAO

Lucius trauma is not a competition dont act confused when Pete gets upset

AWWWW JIM KEEPING THEIR PEOPLE SAFE

I would believe it if samba invented peanut butter tbh

Ohhhhhh is frenchie allergic to peanuts and also how has he not discovered this yet

I adore how David Fane says dick

AWWW ED REALIZING THAT HE WAS GENUINELY SCARING PEOPLE

See Ed that’s how you say “I’m sorry”

SCREAMING LUCIUS AND IZZY ARE TALKING AGAIN LOOK AT THEM THEYRE SO CUTE

Izzy are u genuinely trying to convince yourself it was a shark denial doesn’t count as moving forward my boy

NOW KISS HEHEHEHE

“I actually love this” ASWW BABY

“THEY RIPPED MY POCKET THE FUCKIN BARBARIANS”

“OHHHH FUCK OFFFFF” “rude”

Living for fang and Ed’s therapy sesh

Fang is normal people dealing with my adhd ass (Ed)

The way he lured them all out lmao

Stede just say it’s real my boy

SCREAMING AT IZZYS 👌😏 AFTER STEDE SHOOTS THE GUN

Lucius better hella redeem himself rn

I would not say that’s Pete but okay

WHY IS HE GETTING ON HIS KNEES HELLO!??

OH MY GOD

LUCIUS

OH MY GOD

NO FUCKING WAY

LUCIUS HOLY SHIT

OH MY GOD MATELOTAGE

IM SO HAPPY FOR MY BABIES

ED SHOWING OFF HIS FISH HES SO PROUD OG MY BABY

AND THE YOU WEAR FINE THINGS WELL CALLBACK OH MY GOD THIS IS PERFECTION

OH MY GOD ARE THEY GONNA KISS

FUCK OFF THEYRE FUCKING KISSING OMG

YAAAAAAAY

WEVE WAITED SO LONG

Oh shit that was like a kiss kiss

Awwww “let’s take it slow”

CUTIESSSSSSSS

IM SO HAPPY RN

AH HOLDING HANDS

CUTIES PART 2

THIS? PERFECT SOMEONE SEDATE ME

FANGS REAL NAME IS KEVIN OMFG

Guys this was literally the most perfect episode I’ve ever seen I’m genuinely so happy couldn’t have been better definitely my new favorite episode

And with that I’ll see u kids next week bye bye now

My live reactions to season 2 (episode 1)

SPOILERS OBVIOUSLY KIDS READ AT UR OWN RISK

Holy shit I’m so excited

Oh my god

Oh my god

Oauxbwkxjwhz

LOVE THE BLACK SCREEN W A SHARP CUT TO THE BEACH 10/10

OMG WE GET THE STEDE AND IZZY BEACH SWORD NOW? SO SOON? YOU SPOIL ME OFMD

Omg he’s been stabbed this is for sure a dream sequence

STEDE THATS MURDER EVEN IF ITS JUST IN YOUR HEAD

“You absolute twa….” BEST DYING WORDS EVER ILY IZZY ALWAYS AND FOREVER

THE SLOW RUN TOWARDS EACH OTHER OMG

AND STEDES FACE AND HIS VOICE AND AWW BABY

AWWW THE WAY THEY CRASHED INTO EACH OTHER

“BABE” HA FOWIHXBWNA I WAS NOT PREPARED

“I KNEW YOUD FIND ME LOVE”

“Fuckin love the beard mate”

Oh we’ve started farting lovely

OH MY GOD I WASNT PREPARED FOR HOW ID FEEL WHEN IT CUT TO HIM WITH EVERYONE AWW MY BABIES IVE MISSED YOU SO MUCH

“Cant be worse than you moaning ‘Ed oh ed’ all night” ILY PETE

Iconic title screen as always

“DEAR ED” AHHHH

SPANISH JACKIE ILY

Instantly taking an interest in the Swede as we knew would happen but still iconic

Ugh I love Leslie jones did I mention I love Leslie jones

Nat looks so scared aww baby

I love wee John being security

And host stede aww baby

I live for black Pete dealing with working in customer service

And all of them tbh

Aww poor buttons he needs his ocean and Livy

I’m ngl for a second I was like “where’s Fred armisen- oh wait”

ITS THE I THINK OF YOU OFTEN LINE YESS

HELLO YES I ADORE IZZY HANDS HE CAN DO NO WRONG IDC WHAT YOU SAY IVE MISSED MY BABY BOY

Ahh the wedding

“Demon? *shakes head* I’m the fucking devil” AHH

Guys were only 6 minutes in and this post is already long as shit so buckle up (if ur actually reading it lmao my ass would be like nope too long”

THERES MY VICO HELLO VICO ILY AND MY JOEL FRY ILY BABIES

Ah yes ye olde put trauma in a box in lock it

Awww fang baby boy someone give him a hug find him Lucius

Omg it’s the “you dumped him” scene

“Did everyone get some cake” because he’s still our precious little angle

HE JUST SNORTED RHINO HORN IS THAT A THING WAS THAT A THING IN HISTORY HUH

NO ITS THIS SCENE I DONT WANNA WATCH MY BABY BE SAD

Yes hello I love Izzy hands I would protect him with my life little baby boy

Vico looks so done w his ass

Someone give my baby a hug

Ily fang

The tears in his eyes during “unhand me” aww Angel

AWW IZZY

CONNOTHAN O NONNATHAN WE LOVE YOU YOU PRECIOUS LITTLE BOY UR ABSOLUTE PERFECTION YOU ANGEL

I love the friendship Jim and that girl have

Oh shit Jackie

“BOO CAKES” JACKIE

Stede honey you’re not intimidating

“I know that guy we had breakfast together” “you’ll be having a lot of breakfastes together” “oh okay 🙂” ily Swede

HIM DOING AN ED IMPRESSION LMAO “could be. Could be mate.”

“You’re my hero” 😞😕🙂😏

Swede bein a cute lil double agent

AWW SWEDE “my time with Jackie has been the happiest of my life. Her love has helped me locate parts of myself I didn’t even know existed and reclaim others that I have long missed” ILY

“Tonight is my turn to perform the husbandly duties”

“That’s another toe” ED YOU STAY AWAY FROM HIM LEAVE MY BABY ALONE

“Who am I to you” aww Izzy Angel baby he’s accepting it OMG “I have love for you Edward” IZZY YOURE SAYING IT OUT LOUD IM SO PROUD OF YOU BUD

IZZY YOU DID NOT JUST SAY TALK IT THROUGH YOU HAD TO HAVE KNOWN THAT WAS A HORRIBLE IDEA

OMG AND THE SHIFT IN THE MUSIC AS SOON AS HE SAID IT

IZZY RUN

RUN MY BABY BOY RUN

“As a crew” OH EDDDDD

ED DONT POINT A GUN AT JIM

OR ANYONE ELSE

THAT INCLUDES YOURSELF EDWARD TEACH BORN ON A BEACH

“They think ya crazy” cackling his face omg

Go taika absolutely slaying this scene

The way the camera is all like jittery is so good

Jim’s like “beard” makes their chin look like… not caved in but idk like it looks like they have a rly bad overbite yk

“Everyone knows why” “I don’t. Enlighten me” “your feelings for stede fucking bon-“ *GUNSHOT* ARE U SHITTING ME EDWARD NO WE DO BOT SHOOT FRIENDS

OH MY GOD HE MADE FRENCHIE FIRST MATE HOLY SHIT

Oh my god Izzy my poor baby Izzy oh my god how dare you hurt my Izzy

LMAO SWEDE

“FUCK THOSE HAMMIES UP” LMAO

There’s like no way there’s actually anything valuable in that chest

WE GOT TO SEE HER TAKE A NOSE FOR THE NOSE JAR YESSS

OH SHIT INDIGO

“Now give me back my blue shit STEVE”

Susan’s hot

DONT HURT SWEDE

Oh good okay we’re cool

I feel like she’s lying tho

But for now we’re cool

AWW FANG

AWW JIM COMFORTING FANG

“WANNA HEAR THE STORY OF THE WOODEN BOY” AWW

Living for vico using they them for the puppet

“DO THE VOICE” AWW

OMG VICO THATS ICONIC

AWW YAY THEYRE LAUGHING NOW THOSE ARE MY BABIES YAY

Living for buttons reuniting with the ocean

Okay roll credits cheers yall see you next episode

[witchyfoxelf]

my dream crossovers

this was another patreon-exclusive post that i'm posting here now because i'm not on patreon anymore. this one was from august of 2022.

i’ve been reading a lot of crossover comics lately between my alien vs. predator reviews and i also recently read (and really enjoyed) the teenage mutant ninja turtles/batman crossover.

on that note, i will say that there are a few i would definitely do if they didn’t already exist? including the aforementioned batman/teenage mutant ninja turtles crossover, as well as teenage mutant ninja turtles/power rangers (i would totally redo this one if it were only the next mutation/power rangers in space crossover, but there’s also a comic book that has the mighty morphin power rangers meeting the ninja turtles), king kong vs. planet of the apes, star trek/planet of the apes and teenage mutant ninja turtles/ghostbusters.

i also probably would’ve wanted to do like a star trek vs. star wars type deal back when i was way more into star wars, but i’m just so apathetic about the star wars franchise at this point that it really just doesn’t seem like a good thing for me to try to weigh in on. or any other star wars crossover, for that matter.

so! with all of those being cleared out of the way, let’s get into my dream crossovers that i would love to see become a reality.

godzilla vs. gamera

this is literally the first one that always occurs to me when this topic comes up, and the bitch of it is it almost happened. kadokawa actually approached toho in 2002 and offered to co-produce the mega-crossover, but unfortunately toho declined. the two did battle each other in a stage show in 1970, but otherwise the standard bearers for their respective kaiju universes have yet to properly meet.

thinking about what form this epic showdown could take, obviously the difficulty curve on a comic book feels like it should be the lowest, and is often where these kinds of crossovers start. unfortunately i’m actually not really super versed in godzilla’s comic book exploits, so i can’t really meaningfully comment on this. but considering godzilla vs. charles barkley was a thing back in the 90s and godzilla vs. the mighty morphin power rangers is a thing today, it feels like he should be able to take gamera on in comic book form, right?

the ultimate goal would be a live-action movie, though. and as much as i do love legendary’s cgi godzilla movies this would obviously be a suitmation affair. the plot will work itself out, i mean, it’s godzilla vs. gamera. as long as you give me what it promises on the tin, we’re gonna be fine.

sonic the hedgehog/teenage mutant ninja turtles

my starting point here is that a lot of the characters just match up very well. shads and leo are very serious and dedicated. knux and raph are angy and strong in so many ways. donnie and tails do machines. mikey and sonic are extremely silly and have absolutely the biggest, kindest hearts on their respective teams.

you lose this a bit with the primary villains as eggman is much more comically inept than literally any version of shredder other than the 1987 cartoon or next mutation. but if you bring satam eggman energy to the character you can probably have them coexist either as rival bad guys or teaming up to make everyone’s lives miserable.

obviously eggman is going to make all kinds of turtle-themed robots for this shit, fuck. probably mecha or metal versions of all the turtles, too. dude has one move and he’s gonna use it.

teenage mutant ninja turtles vs. x-men

the only acceptable medium for this is an animated movie, the overall look of which will be based on the 90s arcade games. the x-men team will be composed of the characters you’re able to select from in the arcade game: cyclops, colossus, wolverine, storm, nightcrawler, and dazzler.

the story will be very simple. the turtles and x-men will start off fighting through shredder/magneto’s minions separately and end up fighting each other at first but then end up teaming up when they realize shredder and magneto are working together. these will be the arcade game versions of both villains, so shredder will basically be a less pathetic version of his cartoon self and magneto will have no real character other than being evil and powerful.

teen titans/teenage mutant ninja turtles

look i know this list is very heavy with ninja turtles, but it’s just kind of amazing how many high profile mashups with the ninja turtles have been left on the table. also in the x-men crossover they had “mutant” in common, and in this one they have “teenage” in common, so we’re staying on theme, alright?

for this crossover i’m thinking we get the dc animated movie universe version of the teen titans. y’know, the ones from justice league vs. teen titans and teen titans: the judas contract. i just love this lineup with nightwing and starfire as their fearless leaders, i’d love more time to develop damian wayne robin and raven’s relationship, and beast boy and blue beetle are just the absolute best boys.

cyborg can come too.

sonic the hedgehog/batman

on paper there’s absolutely no reason this should work, but i’m sorry i just need sonic fanboying all over bats, shads trying to out-edgy him, knux taking damian or jason under his wing, tails bonding with tim drake over brain stuff and/or dick grayson over favorite sidekick stuff, and alfred just being sassy about literally everything.

also maybe flash can make a cameo just to set up the obvious race between him and sonic.

x-files vs. resident evil

you really think a zombie outbreak happens in a major city without fox mulder catching wind of it and bursting into the office that morning with a hearty “scully you’re not gonna believe this”?

given that i’m referencing the larger raccoon city outbreak i’d want this to be set around when resident evil 2 came out (1998), which places it around when season 6 of the x-files and the x-files movie came out. so obviously live-action is right out, so we’d be looking at either a comic book or cgi movie.

my thinking here is that mulder hears about the early stages of the outbreak from either the lone gunmen or one of his other sources. mysterious outbreak, corporate and police overreach, does this not sound like exactly the setup for an x-files episode? scully rolls her eyes at all his insinuations that they’re about to be in a real-life zombie movie but is happy to go along to try to deal with the weird police state bullshit happening, they see some creepy stuff early on and then get caught in the thick of the huge outbreak.

eventually they meet up with leon and claire and kick all kinds of zombie ass before making a desperate escape on the train and then we get some patented mulder/scully field note typing voiceovers (or text boxes if it’s a comic) to close things out.

out of all of these, this might be the one i have the clearest idea in my head of what it would be like. even though it’s probably not a crossover that would occur to most people unprompted, it feels kind of like a no-brainer when you think about it.

she-ra (2018) vs. thundercats (2011)

due to the tragic cancellation of the extremely fun thundercats reboot after just one season, this is the least likely one to actually happen. but, c’mon! the main hero has a sword with superpowers, there’s furries, this one is kinda obvious!

i think our catboys think the horde are the good guys at first because animal people are much more well-represented there, setting up the lion-o vs. adora fight. but when they figure out the horde are the bad guys, we get lion-o vs. catra! also mumm-ra teams up with the horde probably.

honorable mentions

star trek/ninja turtles

i don’t have much of a justification for this or an idea of how it would work, but idw owns both licenses and there were action figures depicting all the turtles as star trek characters so obviously i’m not the first one to have this thought!

teenage mutant ninja turtles vs. universal monsters

another one there were crossover action figures of. make it happen!

teenage mutant ninja turtles/kung fu panda

i didn’t super want to go to the trouble of fleshing this one out, but it feels like another no-brainer. and obviously mikey would have the biggest crush on tigress after she beat him up. obviously.

james bond vs. mission: impossible

another one i didn’t super want to flesh out, but ethan hunt’s real superpower is having friends so he’d kick james bond’s ass.

the owl house/she-ra (2018)

sadly i wasn’t really able to come up with a super concrete idea for this one, but both of these cartoons hit such similar spots that it really feels like there should be something here.